𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫, ᴋᴇɴᴍᴀ ᴋᴏᴢᴜᴍᴇ

xxi

" 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 "

Sᴜɴᴅᴀʏ 11:08 ᴀᴍ-

You always thought of death being a peaceful thing; living is the cruelty of life. With death you saw it as a way that you could finally stop all your worrying, all your fighting. Death is when you could actually come to peace with yourself; you didn't have to try so hard everyday. Life is a hell of its own.

You sat beside Angelina and watched her crumble as the men closed Kuroo's casket. Her hand gripped tightly to yours as she formed her lips and breathed in and out trying to not cry more. You paid attention to her ever since the news was out about Kuroo. Angelina was always the person to never really show any other emotion other than smiles and giggles so seeing her so upset was something you gave all your attention to.

Don't think it's a bad thing. You knew how good of a person she was and wanted to study her in a way. How to make things better for her when she's in her state of grief. You were relieved when you realized she wasn't the person to push people away. She gave you a chance to be there for her and you were grateful for it.

The casket started to be lowered in the ground as the priest said some sentimental words. You felt awkward being at a funeral after so many years. The last time you had been to one was when you were young and now that you're older, you can barely grasp the memories from it. Now, you were sitting at your...well whatever Kenma is to you, friend's funeral: while he is nowhere to be found. It has been two weeks now. You knew that Lev knew something about where Kenma was, but he had already told the other guys to not tell you. You didn't understand why Kenma would give them this instruction to not tell you.

Maybe he killed Kurro's killer and got away in time before the cops got to him. Maybe he didn't come back to you because he needed a break. Maybe he really did get arrested...

You looked up to Angelina after you heard her call your name. "Hm?" You responded. "Can we go? I don't want to be around here anymore." A normal friend would've questioned why you wouldn't want to stick around your boyfriend's funeral but these past weeks you noticed that Angelina didn't like the pity parties and "words of comfort" that people kept on repeating. You gave her a small nod and you both got up from your seats, heading out of the chapel while being followed with many stares.

Getting into the limo was quiet as you both started to drive off. Your head turned to Angelina as you picked up on her soft sniffles. She sat beside you, looking outside the window as tears slowly rolled down her puffy face. "I hate how even though he cheated, I would still die for him in a heartbeat." She muttered but she said it loud enough so you could hear.

You knew how hard it was for Angelina to take in the news about Kuroo's death, but when she had also gotten informed that he was cheating with Channa, Akaashi's fiancé, it broke her heart even more.

As you both entered the mansion, you witnessed the butlers and maids getting the house ready for the reception that would only be open to a selected amount of people. Angelina turned to you before continuing into the house, "I am going to go change and get myself together. Thank you again for being by my side, I know it can't be easy while also worrying about what trouble Kenma is in right now." You watched more tears flood her eyes, her face was still puffy as before and her nose had gotten bright red. You rested your hand on her shoulder and moved your thumb as a rubbing motion to send her a mild amount of comfort. "I am here for everything you need." You reassured her.

She gave you a small smile before starting her way to her and Kuroo's bedroom to change.

You have only been to the mansion twice in the past two weeks. For you it only made you think about Kenma more and get all frustrated again. The two times you were at the mansion though, you had always found your way into Kenma's study.

As you made your way to the hallway where his study was located you noticed that there was more security in the hall. Even throughout the house, security was always equally distributed; it made you raise an eyebrow.

You entered the study and it was the same as it was last week. Everything looked untouched. Lev and the guys wanted to leave it untouched in respect for Kenma, you thought. You walked over to the desk and sat in the big comfy chair, moving it back and forth a little just so it would move on the wheels. The sticky notes on Kenma's desktop caught your attention; looking at his neat handwriting made you think of him more.

Over these past two weeks you have gone through anger, worry, and even sadness. Kenma left everyone and everything behind without a fucking word: well at least to you. You were angry at how he had acted like he was so interested in you and then when everything goes down he completely would just cut you off. Is that what he wanted to do this whole time? Just use you for your body and then cut you off the second he got a chance? You sighed, you thought everything was fine between you two; at least you hoped it was.

Of course you had cut him some slack because one of his bestfriends got murdered. You don't even know how you would act if that had happened to you. All you just wanted is for him to talk to you, or at least let Lev tell you where he was, if he was safe.

But if this was his way of telling you to back off, then he is doing a really good job.

Sᴜɴᴅᴀʏ 10:43 ᴘᴍ

You entered your penthouse tired and drained from the day. All you wanted now was to get in the bed and pass out; waking up never again.

You started your way upstairs to your bedroom. Something was off to you though: you could smell a faint amount of cologne. Your tiredness washed away from you when you realized that Kenma could've actually been at your house while you were out, or maybe he's still here. Your pace fastened towards your room, opening the cracked door and flicking on the lights.

Your breath hitched as you felt the amount of weights of worrying lifted off of your shoulder as you saw Kenma sitting up in bed reading a book.

He quickly met his eyes with yours; reading your face with all the questions you were aching to ask him at the moment.

The first words he could get out was, "I'm sorry."