Why Can't I Hurt

Chapter 2

Loe

"Chris"

It felt like my heart was gonna explode, he was the last person I wanted to see. I quickly stood to my feet and dusted myself off.

" Loe is that you" he looked at me concerned and confused. I felt him start to drag me away I tried to pull away but his grip was to strong. So I gave in and let him take me to wherever, soon we stopped in front of the campus gym It was empty.

He pushes me inside roughly, I rub my arm he gripped it so mf hard.

" Where TF have you been, I haven't heard from you in months. Your number is changed your family saying your a disgrace and never to come back.Do you know how worried I was about you" I scoffed trying to hold back my tears, I'm fucking tired of crying.

" The nerve of you Chris, are you really that bad of a friend. Do you know how much I begged you for help I called you. But you never noticed how much pain I was in" I sat down on the work out equipment with my head in my hands.

" I tried to kill myself and you weren't there, I called and asked where you were. You were in Cali living it up for summer break while I was in rehab fighting for my will to live" I looked at him with hate. I was not gonna let him think he could come back into my life after abandoning me and not being there.

He opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him.
"I don't want to hear your apologies you have been absent when I need you most. So don't expect for me to let you play victim and make me feel bad" I got up and walked away from him. I want peace a life where I can be happy for just one week without a hiccup.

I went to my classes got friendly with the professors and went home. As I approach my do I see Chris sitting at my door. I was confused as to how he found out where my dorm was. But that wasn't my concern now I just wanted to lay naked in my bed with the AC blasting.

I stand in front of him for a while till he finally looks up at me. Standing up he tries to caress my face but I dodge it. This was a common thing he did he would  kiss hold and coddle me into submission, until I basically was brainwashed into believing we had a good relationship. Basically make me blind and oblivious to his neglect.

But I'm not the same, after it spent 4 months looking at blindingly white walls. Thinking how alone I was i this world, how my parents basically made me an outcast for having mental health issues. I suffered years of suppressing my depression living a lie. Smiling because I was made to feel my hurt didn't amount to anything.

" Loe you have to-to give me a chance to prove I-I can be there for you, I love you and I'm sorry I haven't been there to show it so give me a chance to show that"  I look at him we stand there for what feels like hours. I decide against "giving him another chance" I won't. I've given chance after chance it's time I choose me, choose to hurt but hurt in peace.

I push past him unlock my door and slam it in his face. I wash up get In bed and look at the ceiling pre-beating myself up, because I know I'm gonna forgive him letting the cycle begin again.