⟡I'm Sorry ♠⟡♠ Ashtray⟡

When the Final Curtain Closes

      The crowd settled quickly, the light turning back on and Jade as well as Lexi's character were sitting on stage. There was a couch on the stage behind Lexi and Jade sat in front of her. They both sat on the floor, in an obvious way to show they were having a moment together. They weren't in the funeral clothes, so I wasn't quite sure when this was taking place.

"I think your play was the first time I was able to look at my life and not hate myself.. for everything I've done." I made a face at the stage, clearly pouting. She did let her read the play!

"What do you mean?" Lexi asked confused.

"I don't know. I think I've been through a lot. And I don't know what to do with it. But you've been through a lot and you know what to do with it." I felt myself reflect on the time I've known Rue. The friendship we formed, the struggle having watching her go up and down in life. From the time Fezco had refused to give Rue drugs, to when Fezco had to physically drag her out from the house.. To my own struggles.. to what I've been through. I never would have thought this would have been my life. I honestly thought I'd be dead by now.. I wasn't suppose to live this long.. but Fezco and Ashtray saved me.. And just like that Ash almost threw it away. Was just gonna end it.. just as carelessly as I have in other situations. No it was different. Ash did it because in his fucked up mind he thought me and Fez would have been better off. He did kill someone.. and almost another one.. Who knows what the fuck would have happened if they had heard Ash kill Custer over the wire. I'm sure they would have stormed the place.. and I'm sure Ash would have.. He would have fought if that was the case. Him already admitting vaguely for his end result, which was to leave Fez and I behind. I looked over at Ash, the fear of me not having made it in time to stop him from stabbing Custer haunting my mind. There was the possibility none of us would be sitting there.. if I was just a fraction of a second later.

     He seemed to sense me looking at him, him turning to look over at me. Something about the look he gave me made me sadder, but at the same time it felt comforting. Like he was almost trying to share my sadness. He reached over, grabbing my hand and holding it towards him. I smiled softly, looking back at the stage as we held hands.

"I don't know about that." I frowned, Lexi always doubting herself.

"Lex, look what you made. I don't know how to do that... I don't know how to get to where you are... But I just wanted you to know that seeing it meant the world to me." Jade paused some, showing the difficultly Rue must have felt talking about this with Lexi.

"Do you think about your dad often?" Lexi asked Jade, a big pause before asking. Jade remained silent, nodding her head.

"Me too." Lexi admitted.

"I feel like I had so much to learn from him still, you know? I also think I'm really angry about it." I'm sure at this point, most of the people in the audience were thinking of their own relationships with their fathers. The air filled with the overall heaviness, everyone with daddy issues, to dead parent or whatever the situation we had.. most of us were all thinking of our own experience. Some glad they got their father there for them, glad to have gotten such a loving parent, others wondering why theirs never came home, or why they always seem to be sneaking out all the time. Then they're were parents like Cal and my father. One's that fuck up their kids before they even got a chance. Of course there's worst parents out there, but it's not like Cal and my father did exactly a good job. Its a very large scale, and they didn't rank role model figures.

"Yeah." Lexi agreed silently.

"Do you ever get angry about it?"

"It's a but more complicated than that." Lexi thought.