Another Name (SU fanfic)

14. TESTS AND TRUST (Part 1 of 3)

Throughout the years Apatite has been at Homeworld she had to learn how to live with permanent uncertainty: not knowing what they did to her or why, when she'd have time to sleep, when an assignment would require too much energy, when the whispers of the other apatites would cause her trouble...
The only constant in her life has been the time she has to rest every ten cycles. It saved her, especially during the first couple of years. After, she got slowly used to stay awake for longer periods, but she has the sensation she lost a part of herself in the process and hopes to be able to recover it someday.
Another pillar, not as constant, has been Tiny. She admires the gem who risked everything for her for how active she is all the time, although it's also the reason they spend so little time together.
When Apatite's recurrent assignments began the iridiscent gem had to tell Turquoise she wouldn't be accompanying her subordinate from that day on. Nowadays they won't talk more than once per month. Still, she's her best friend as the rest of her unit barely tolerates her existence.
Something the teal gem discovered during the almost three decades she's been on Homeworld is the effect music has on her. She held on to it when there was nothing else to hold on to, which happened too many times.In spite of all the obstacles, she survived.

A teal bubble appears on the bed at Tiny's house. Apatite hears something unusual from inside it, and when she pops her transport she sees the small pearl is sitting on the foot of the bed crying. She has never seen her crying before, it's been always the other way around. She wonders whether her best friend heart broke like hers now every time it happened.
A: "Tiny? What's wrong?"
The pearl looks at her for a moment unable to answer the question, then resumes the cry unsuccessfully trying to contain it. Apatite goes in front of her, kneels, and sits on her feet.
A: "What happened?"
She can almost see the words in Tiny's mind get stuck before they can get out. Her fiend's lament is much more desperate than anything she's ever felt. Still, she understands it, like she recognized it from a time she can't remember. It's the loss of something that will only be fixed becoming someone else, and the grieve for everything that won't be.
Apatite can't think of anything worth saying, so she sits next to the pearl and rises an arm offering a hug that is immediately accepted, then moves Tiny up to her lap to warp her with both arms.
A: "Whatever it is. I'm here."

A while later, after Tiny managed to calm down, Apatite falls sleep holding her friend like a teddy bear. The pearl stays there as it's the nicer place to be in the room. She has a lot to think about and a decision to make, an important one as many lives will depend on it someday.
Hours pass and Tiny keeps doubting. She'd like to tell Apatite all her secrets, but there's something holding her back, the evident preference for cabochons the teal gem has been showing since she met her. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just the kind of thing a modulation of the internal current shouldn't have affected in any way, even less considering how big the change was for someone who loved a ruby to the point of reversing a rejuvenation.
The pearl carefully rolls out of the hug and sits on her feet facing the kite shaped gemstone. She taps her own gem, it lights, then touches the teal stone. Nothing happens.
T: [What was I expecting?]
She sighs and her gem goes off.
T: [One minute. I know, I have to make up my mind in less than a minute.]
This time she taps her gem with two fingers twice, it lights again, then she breathes deep and moves her hand to the kite gem to pat it also two times with the same fingers. She disappears from the room in a soft flash and Apatite's gem stays lit with the same softness.

Tiny appears in a small room full of controls, keyborads and screens. Everything looks perfectly clean and organized, all build in iridescent whites with very light gray accents and sized for the little pearl.
T: "Let's see what we've got."
She activates every section, then writes an information request on the central keyboard as the first results appear on the smaller screens. One of them flashes purple.
T: "Sensors at 134%?" Shakes her head. "Symptom, not cause. What else..."
Another system report shows anomal data.
T: Reading it. "One rejuvenation. How...? Oh! An emergency backup..." Surprised. "Lots of them! No way..."
The pearl checks the next panels and everything seems to be inside the established parameters.
T: "Intact code, standard abilities, it can't be..."
One screen flashes red.
T: "Activity offline?!" High pitched. "She even talks while sleeping!" Nervously grabs her hair. "Ohhh... This isn't working... nothing is."
Then she notices the result on the main screen shows the current modulation is the standard for all gems.
T: "No, no, no, no, no..."
In a rush, she switches two big buttons on the upper part of the central keyboard. All the ambient lights turn off, a round beam appears from the ceiling, and all the screens begin to load detailed logs and graphics of their respective systems. Meanwhile she types a new information request.
T: "Eyes."
She blinks several times but nothing happens.
T: Tense. "Eyes! Come on!"
Again the same.
T: Frustrated. "I don't have time for this!"
She turns one of the buttons off, the lighting goes back to its previous setting. Then she reads all the screens as fast as she's able to.
T: "Data stick and moon key in gem... Unstable sensors... Internal memory discrepancy? So it is compromised... Backups get bigger... Cyclical energy consumption... maximum keeps diminishing since she's here... no..."
That really saddens her, but she can't think about it now.
T: "No activity except emergency... and processing...?"
Tiny is very confused by this last graphic.
T: "Normal, down, spike, low, lower. Wha...?"
The pearl on her head flashes three times and she feels her strength fading, she needs to hold the panel to keep herself from falling. She ran out of time.
T: "No..."
She manages to look up and see the modulation logs. An alteration is registered whenever the gem holds the form. She falls to her knees and taps her gem twice.

Sixty-four seconds after disappearing Tiny reappears knelt on the bed some steps away from the, now unlit, teal gem. She's panting completely exhausted. That wakes Apatite, who opens her eyes just in time to see her passing out.
A: Worried. "Tiny!"
Her attempts to wake the pearl have no effect, although her gem and form look perfectly fine. So she can only lie her down properly, make sure there's nothing wrong with a scan stick, and wait.

T: Softly. "Hey."
Apatite wakes startled, she must have fallen sleep without meaning to.
A: "You're awake." Smiles.
T: "Yes."
Tiny looks very tired, which is new and concerning. She sits on a pillow. The teal gem stays silent, yawns and sits too. She won't insist in her questioning unless the pearl wants to talk about it.
T: "I owe you an explanation. It won't be a good one, though."
A: "Better than nothing? I'm worried."
T: "And that's why I trust you, and I really... [Shouldn't.] ...I really think you need to know what happened. I'm sad because I've lost my oldest and closest friend. She's a pearl, a regular size one. Now she has a new owner and doesn't know anything about me anymore."
A: "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how it must be when it's been thousands of years. Rejuvenation is just devastating..."
T: "When pearls change their owner it includes personalization options and it's called 'remade' among pearls, or more frequently 'custom-made' so the new owners believe they got a new one... it's disgusting."
A: Has an idea. "Can't you visit her? If you get her to remember her past the remaking thing will revert. Right?"
T: Resolute. "I can't and I won't do that."
Apatite is confused by the reaction. It's like her suggestion was flawed, even cruel.
A: "Why not?"
T: "Pearls are made to be owned, literally. When a pearl forms she imprints on the first being to tell her their name. If my friend remembered she'd have the constant need to procure the wishes of the gem she served previously, all to end remade again whenever she's taken to the Shell."
A: Sad, apologizes. "I see... She's really gone then. I wanted to help..."
T: "You couldn't have known. I appreciate the intention."
A: Slowly. "What happens when a pearl's owner dies?"
T: "Are you planning an assassination?"
Sometimes when the teal gem speaks she mentally considers something and doesn't word all the process, only the conclusions. When it happens she's always misunderstood, fact she already accepted, what she'd like to understand this time is whether Tiny considered the option first, or she thinks she would actually murder someone.
A: "No! I just want to know."
T: "Good. For your information, it wouldn't work. The pearl would protect the stone with her life and wait for her owner to reform."
A: "I meant die like... ceased to exist forever."
T: "She'd be remade."
Apatite looks at the family picture hanging on the wall.
A: "Then, what about you?"
T: Nostalgic. "Larimar wasn't my owner, she was my mistress. It's different."
A: "How?"
T: "I always had a choice. The other pearls can't disobey their owners, not ever, not even if an order is against everything they believe in. I was made to serve, they were made to obey." Looks down very affected.
A: Tries to say something nice. "It was a good explanation."
T: "Oh, that was a mere introduction. I've never talked about these things before because they're embarrassing, not secret. The poor explained part comes next."