Leftovers

Alone

The door slammed and the house shook. It had been the month from hell, and though I felt empty, at least the fear from the previous days had begun to subside. The children were asleep, the house was dark and quiet. I sat, body still full tensed from the fight. After about 30 minutes, I felt my muscles ease up, beginning to relax. I could finally brea-

DING DONG

I jumped at the blaring doorbell and checked my phone. It was 11:30 at night, who the hell could be here? I grabbed a golf club from the kitchen as a means of protection and walked up to the peephole. At the door was a figure in a dark hoodie. I flicked on the porch light, unlocked the door, and took a deep breath. Opening the door, I gasped, dropped the golf club, and began to cry. "Ish?" my voice cracked. I was in disbelief but there he was, standing in front of me. "Ish what are you doing here?"

"Ah DZ told me you could use a friend. And besides, I haven't forgotten you telling me Reno has the best sushi. I had to come see for myself," he joked. I fell into his arms and just sobbed. "Hey, hey it's okay," he stroked my hair as he held me. "Come on, let's get you to the couch. We can watch a movie or something, and when you're ready, we can talk." I sniffled, nodded my head, and walked with Ish back to my couch.

I sat in my favorite spot, the corner spot where the two ends of the couch met and Ish took the spot next to me. We pulled the weighted blanket up and over us, and I handed Ish remote. "I can't handle picking anything right now. Could you just put something on for us?"

Ish smiled. "No problem. Did you ever catch up on You?" It took me a second to realize Ish was talking about the murder drama and not me taking time to catch up on myself. I shook my head no. "Okay, well we can watch that if it's not too much right now?" I nodded my head and relaxed back into the couch as Ish selected an episode.

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I wasn't sure what episode I fell asleep during, but I woke up with the side of my face and Ish's lap wet from drool. He looked down at me and smiled as I rushed to wipe up my face and his lap. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry."

Ish smiled and shook his head, "don't worry about it! I figured you could really use the nap. No offense, but when I got here it looked like you hadn't slept in weeks." I smiled. I wanted to tell him I really hadn't slept in a long time, and that this was the most rested I'd felt in what seemed like forever. Instead, I laid my head back down on his lap and relaxed. Long fingers worked their way through my hair. I heard Ish clear his throat. "So, are you ready to talk about what's been going on?"

I began to tremble as I sat up, curling back into my corner of the couch. Embarrassment washed over me as I thought about where to start with what had been going on. I thought back to how happy and excited I'd been when I typed out my announcement on the live stream, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. "I... I had an early miscarriage... and my husband had been demanding I get an abortion. And everything since that moment has been an absolute nightmare." I broke down, sobbing into the blanket on my knees. I felt his arms wrap around me as I broke down further. "He said if I didn't, he'd divorce me. I tried to tell him I couldn't handle living with something like that, and he kept arguing that if I didn't do it, that'd be proof that I didn't care about any of his feelings. So when I miscarried," I gulped down a lump in my throat, "when I miscarried, he said 'why should I care about your miscarriage?' and left me with our son to grieve."

I felt the energy near me shift. Ish was still there, but someone else was with us. I looked up and met DZ's haunting gaze. "Go on. Tell me what else he did to you." The steady anger in his voice sent chills down my spine. I must have looked absolutely terrified because DZ put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes again. "I'm not going to hurt him. But Karsh and I may have to work out something to teach him a lesson or two. So please, continue."

I sniffed and nodded my head. "He started accusing me of cheating because of my *work* account. He got so jealous and mean but kept convincing me to stay. Then.." I began to shake again, "then it began to get bad again. He came home and got angry that I was trying to get away for the night. He started threatening me and blaming me for everything that had ever gone wrong in his life. Then he said something horrible about our son." I couldn't repeat it. I was crying and shaking at the thought. Somehow, DZ and Ish both just knew. "I called the cops. It's been a process, but I think now he knows I'm serious about not being okay with the way he treats me. It stopped a lot of the screaming. But before you guys got here... He stormed out and told me I was a psychopath for wasting the cops time by calling."

I looked up and saw DZ and Ish lock eyes. DZ nodded at us. "Karsh and I will handle this one. In the meantime, we all need you to remember that you did absolutely nothing wrong in calling the cops. You were afraid for yourself and your child. You did the right thing." And with that reassurance, DZ was gone.

"I'm stupid for holding out hope, aren't I?" I whispered. Any sane person would have left and never looked back. But there I was, sitting in my living room, waiting for the person who hurt me to come back home. "I just wish I didn't feel so incredibly lonely."

Ish pulled me into his lap, allowing me to rest my head on him. I felt his long fingers gently work their way back through my long hair, careful not to pull on any tangles they hit. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe and loved. Planting a gentle kiss on the top of my head, Ish whispered, "you will never truly be alone. I promise. You're safe." Tears silently fell down my face and my breathing slowed and calmed. 

I drifted off to sleep to the soothing feeling of his hands in my hair, and the weighted blanket he pulled up around me. In my dream, he was leading me through the forest, silently and quickly. I smiled as I chased after him, avoiding sticks and stones and crunching through leaves. My heart felt lighter than it had felt in years and I felt so free. Finally we stopped at the entrance to a house, hidden deep in the woods. "Are you ready?" Ish said with a smile. I nodded, and as the door opened, every person who loved me was there. I felt the warmth of all their love and ran in for what had to be the biggest group hug I'd ever been a part of. "I told you, you are never truly alone. " Ish's warm voice whispered into my ear. No matter what DZ and Karsh could accomplish with my husband, I knew that I didn't have to be afraid anymore.