Drinks and Confesions

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I am too old for this. I shouldn't be feeling this. She sees me as a friend. I would only ruin everything.

The same lie I've been forcing myself to believe over and over again. It never worked, but for some unknown reason, I hoped that one day it would. It had to, I thought.

It had been going on for a few weeks. I'd often catch my mind drifting away to her; her beautiful smile and natural charm; her witty remarks and undeniable everpresent sarcasm; her overall confidence, which I endlessly admired her for. I could never be like her, that I knew. The first 6 months were fine. Wonderful even. The presence of another adult was calming after so many years of solitude. We spent a lot of time together. We cooked together, read together, and took our daily walks together. We did our paperwork in our shared office space, we prepared lectures together, and we even went out for a drink a few times. Ever since we were appointed as co-head ymbrynes of the Academy we spent a lot of time in each other's presence. I often wonder if this had been the moment when I've crossed the point of no return. The moment when I started to notice the many shades of brown hidden in her eyes, the small dimples in her cheeks that appeared every time she smiled or the way always fixed her clothes before entering a room. How her eyes would narrow when she thinks or how her laugh would change into mockery when irritated.

From this point on it should have been clear to me that I'd end up in a situation like this. At one moment we were sitting over a glass of wine, talking poetry and philosophy. Her presence was intoxicating, but so far I was doing well. Not too much eye contact, no small touches or gestures that could cause the fall of the thin walls I've built around myself. But maybe it was the exhaustion or the alcohol in my system but after a few hours, I felt like there may be a chance she might return my affections. We paid for our drinks and decided to take a walk in the nearby park. The stars shone brightly. I remember gazing up into the sky thinking how different my life could have been, have I not met her.

It was the end of June. I was at the annual ymbryne conference. The sole purpose of these meetings was to discuss ongoing political issues such as our relations with America and conflicts in the world of normals that could potentially cause harm to us. However, the world situation was relatively calm nothing that couldn't be quickly solved. With some time left on our shoulders, we decided to briefly celebrate our year's successes with a small tea party. As a new addition to the council, I didn't know anybody so I decided to spend my time standing in the corner of the room reading the play I'd brought with me. I've never been much of a social butterfly so I hoped I'd be left alone. That, thank birds, didn't end up happening.

"I'm happy to see that I'm not the only person here who finds this party a little tedious." I looked up from my book. Standing next to me was a woman. She immediately won over my full attention. She wore a light green suit with a cream-coloured shirt and a slightly darker bowtie of the same colour. Her clothes beautifully complimented her shining dark skin. Her hair was wavy chocolate brown and ended just above her shoulders. "I wouldn't say tedious but perhaps a little...a little..." I struggled to find the right word and felt embarrassed. She must have noticed my awkwardness and rushed to help.

"Lifeless," she finished my sentence for me.

"Yes, exactly," I said and smiled at her. Maybe a little company wasn't bad after all. "And who do I owe the pleasure?" I asked curious to know the name of my intruder. She run her hand through her hair and chuckled then held out her hand.

"How incredibly rude of me, I'm Isabel, Isabel Cuckoo."

"Alma Peregrine," I said and shook her hand," delighted to meet you."

We arrived at the park and walked around for a while. Our conversation slowly faded into a comfortable silence. The wind was playing with her silver hair so I reached out, without thinking, to put it behind her ear. [Its texture was incredibly soft and reminded me of feathers.] It could have been seen as a friendly gesture [i think] have I not met her gaze. Her dark eyes sparkled in the moonlight and I've suddenly become painfully aware of our closeness. If I tried, I would be able to count the number of freckles around her eyes. I don't remember what gave me the final push. Maybe it was the way she held my gaze or the beautiful smile she gave me, but suddenly I was kissing her. Our lips met for only a brief moment before I panicked and pulled away. But it was long enough for me to still remember her warm lips against mine, her breath on my cheek and the warmth of her body pressed against mine. I messed up.

I stepped away from her, while mumbling apologies, to create some distance between us. My face burned; my hands started to tremble and I only wished to be as far from this place as possible; to be away from her. I felt cold and hot and incredibly stupid and ashamed. Covering my face with my hands I stepped even further away. How could I let my emotions get the best of me like this I didn't know. For a moment I even considered running away; taking a good night's sleep and then in the morning blaming my little outburst of emotions on the half-drunken state I must have been in. But to my surprise, it was her that calmed the hurricane of thoughts in my head.

"Oh darling..." She whispered. 'Was that cheerfulness in her voice?' I questioned myself. Despite my better judgement, I lift my head.

Isabel's eyes were calm. A small smile appeared on her face. When she became aware of my trembling hands, she took them in hers and gently held them.

"Are you feeling alright, Alma?" She shortly let go of them to adjust my glasses. Then she pulled me for a long hug.

Her hands went around my shoulders while mine around her waist as I buried my head into her shoulder. A honey-like scent filled my nose. Her short hair tickled my cheeks. The sounds of the world around us got quieter and quieter until the only sound that remained was the one of my beating heart. I took a few deep breaths. For the first time in months, I felt completely calm. I couldn't help but smile like a schoolgirl.

"Yes, yes I am."

"Good, I am very happy to hear that, ma chérie," she whispered. "Now, may I kiss you again?"

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