You're My Jackass

Chapter 2

"Gee, I hope we don't get pulled over for having too many idiots in one car." said Bam, jokingly, gaining some laughs from the backseat row. Lizzy gasped, "Don't even joke about that, Bam! You know cops stress me out"...."And you know I don't like being stressed out." she emphasized the last part and gave Bam a stern look, reminding him of her epileptic episodes. He then remembered and honestly apologized, "Sorry, Liz." he then kissed her on the cheek and linked arms with her. Physical connection always calms her down.

(Fun fact: stress is a big leading cause to seizure episodes.)

Johnny pretended to stare out the window and act like he wasn't listening but he heard every word and tried to deeply analyze it in his mind. He thought to himself, everyone gets stressed out every once in a while, I get it, but what was that stern look and long pause in the conversation? Was she alluding to an inside joke? That can't be a funny thing, I mean Bam truly apologized and showed affection and love for her? I don't know, I won't look to much into it, maybe it's none of my business and i'll know what it means in the long run. I'll just keep to myself for a while and let them have their moment without me interrupti—
He was cut off in his own thoughts by Lizzy giving him a wet willy in his ear. "Ew what the hell?" he asked and laughed while looking into her eyes. "Whatcha' doin looking all deep and mysterious in the corner for?" He didn't wanna tell the truth and seem like a creep. He said nothing at all for too long, and then Ryan decided to butt in and say, "He's thinkin' about you in a bikini, Liz!" Johnny's face turned visibly red and he covered his face with both hands, he then said to Ryan, "You're gettin' a fist to the zipper when we get to that store." "Oh my god, Dunn, you're so gross." said Lizzy, laughing at what he had said. Lizzy saw that Johnny was visibly embarrassed and tried to make him lighten up by saying, "You wanna help me pick one out?" Johnny subtly bit his lip and said, "I'd love to."

About 30 minutes had passed and the crappy car pulled into an old outlet parking lot. Everyone got out of the car, stretched their legs out, and headed towards the nearest store. "You gonna buy a speedo Knoxville?" asked Chris with a smile. Johnny shoved him jokingly and said, "In your dreams Pontius." Lizzy laughed at what Chris said, and said herself, "I think I've seen enough junk up close and personal today." "You mean you don't wanna see my jim dog?" asked Johnny with a big grin. "Not right now, Knoxville." "Ooooh, I think that means she wants to see it, PJ." said Steve-o. "PJ?" asked Lizzy curiously. "It's my real name. Johnny Knoxville is more like my stuntman name." said Johnny as he put his hands into his pockets.

Everyone walked into the store and went their separate ways. Steve-o, Pontius, and Weeman all went together to the snack isle, while Bam, Dunn, Lizzy, and Johnny walked over to the bathing suit isle. Johnny picked up a hot pink bikini top and held it up to his chest as if he had boobs. Lizzy laughed, looked at him and said, "I have never seen a more childish man in my life." "You know you love it, Liz." said Johnny as he pinched her cheek. "Look how cute they are, Dunn." teased Bam as he giggled and leaned on Ryan's shoulder. "I know, they grow up so fast." added Ryan as he fake cried. Lizzy laughed and rolled her eyes at both of them.

"Oooh, I like this one." said Lizzy as she held up a plain black string bikini, she then put it over her shirt as if to wear it. Johnny looked her up and down, bit his lip, then pulled on the strings of the bikini slowly until it came undone. "I like it too, but wouldn't you be afraid of it suddenly.... coming undone, leaving you butt naked?" This gave Lizzy tons of butterflies, but she played it cool. The bikini top dropped down onto the floor, and this gave Lizzy an evil idea. "Do you wanna know what would be even worse, Johnny?" Lizzy asked seductively as she got onto her knees in front of him. "Tell me." he demanded in a deep, scratchy, tone. "This." Johnny raised one eyebrow, just before he was cut off by getting hit straight in the nuts by Lizzy. "Oh my god, you bitch." wheezed Johnny as he leaned over and grabbed his crotch in pain. Lizzy giggled to herself as he stayed hunched over for a good minute. Johnny slowly regathered himself and said in a painful voice, "You're gonna pay for that now." "Oh yeah? How?" asked Lizzy. "You have to wear whatever bikini I pick for you." Lizzy rolled her eyes and sighed, "Deal."