✮Third Star|James X Reader|I Said Til The End

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Also ich hab gerade third star geguckt und ich hab noch nie so sehr wegen einem Film geheult, außer vielleicht Infinitiy War oder Endgame. Ich muss das jetzt erstmal durchs oneshot schreiben kompensieren.
(ich hab auf englisch geschrieben, weil ich den Film auch auf englisch geschaut habe und ich die deutschen dialoge nicht hab, hoffe es stört euch nicht, dass ich so viel auf englisch schreibe)
[⚠️obviously spoiler zu third star⚠️]
[⚠️TW:suicide⚠️]

Your pov

James and I knew each other since childhood. We eventually fell in love with each other and had a happy relationship... That was until the doctor gave us James' diagnosis. Cancer.

"I can understand, if you want to leave now." he had said, when the doctor left us alone for a moment. "What? No, I won't leave you, James. We will do this together. I'm gonna be with you til the end."

For his birthday James wanted go on a last camping trip with me and his friends, Davy, Bil and Miles.
After a lot of arguments, fun, a burnt tent and a drowned cart. We finally arrived at Barafundle Bay. It was a relief. After days and days of traveling, we've made it. James was smiling from one ear to the other.
We went in the water, James and Miles had another argument about Miles fucking James' sister, but eventually we all sat together, around the fireplace and everything seemed fine for a brief moment.

"How is the book?" Miles asked Davy. "I think it's more interesting with half the page missing." he answered and I chuckled.

"I'm going for a swim." I turned to James. "Your mom said-" Bil began but James interrupted:"I know. Tomorrow, I'm gonna swim out into the middle of the bay and I'm not coming back," I sat up straight and looked at him half seriously, half worried,"I know the enormity of this and I am asking you to let me swim." "No." Davy and I said concurrently. "Jim, we can't let you, mate." Bil spoke. "You can. The question is: will you?"
Hot tears welled up in my eyes.
"Has this been your plan all along?" Bil asked. James stood silent.
"Oh, you bastard!" I said,"This isn't gonna end here, James. Please, I love you. You- you can't..."
"I thought you wanted to live. Why would-" Bil didn't finish his sentence.

"Because this is how my life is gonna be from now on. Because of the pain. Because of the drugs that I take for the pain, because of the drugs that I take for the side-effects of the other drugs... You've seen it. It's only gonna get worse. My life is all up here now really," he pointed at his head,"but it's taking over and gradually I'll slip further and further into thinking solely about pain and that's not worth living for."
While the first tears slipped down my cheeks I looked at him in disbelief.
"I don't know what the pain's like but surely we can-"
"What?" my boyfriend cut Bil off.
"I don't know. I can't..."
"You can."
After a short silence Bil spoke again:"What would we tell your mom and dad?"
"This is Insane! I can't believe you're talking about it normally!" Davy complained.
"The same thing as you'll tell the police. That you woke up in the morning and I'd gone. That you searched the dunes and then you saw something floating in the sea. You went to get me but by then it was too late."
I scoffed. "Are you serious? You've planned this bloody damn well! I hate you!" I yelled at him and stood up from the ground. I walked away from the fireplace and cried while looking at the stars.

3rd person pov

"She loves you, James, you can't expect her to let you swim into your death." Miles said when James looked at his girlfriend going away. "She will loose me at the end anyway." James replied. "It's not the same, Jim, you know that."
"I have never been so alive and now I want to end it! I want to finally... finish something."
"Why don't you just go home and take an overdose like normal people?" Bil questioned and James laughed. "It would be painless, you'd just fall asleep." "It would be giving in,"Jim responded to Bil,"If I swim out and the sea takes me, it's different. I would be making the choice. I want to be conscious until I'm gone, I want to feel something even if it's pain of salt in my lungs. I want to feel the fight! Something... huge... and... terrifying... and brave."
"I'd promised your mom I'd bring you back." said Davy.
Jim looked at Bil. "Sorry, James."
and then to Miles, he shook his head.

"Okay,"James sobbed,"Okay, I'm sorry. It's too much to ask." tears ran over his cheeks and he laid back in the sand.

Your pov

I was still standing far away from the others, my tears had dried and I drew hearts in the sand with a stick. It felt like I was numb, not feeling anything. 'I'm gonna be with you til the end.' I thought about my words. I was afraid. 'Not yet. It's not time yet.'

I heard a scream from the tent and quickly turned around. I threw the stick away and ran back to the others.

"What's going on?" I asked Miles and Bil, who were sitting outside the tent. Right then Davy came out of it and said:"I can't find his meds bag. Must have slipped out. He doesn't have any morphine left." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
"We'll find it, Miles." Bil assured.
"I'm coming with you." "No, Y/N, please stay." I heard James cry out from the inside of the tent. "I will help them." Davy got up and all three of them searched for the meds with flashlights in the dark.

I got to James and gave him a gulb of water. "I didn't mean, what I've said, James. I don't hate you. I love you, more than anything, til the end." I sobbed while a tear fell on his shirt. "I love you too, Y/N, You made the sun shine a little brighter and the flowers bloom a bit more beautiful everyday, you gave me joy and hope when everything seemed hopeless." he pounded and I forced a smile under tears. "Don't say that, like it's already over, James, please."
I stroke through his hair and gave him a peck on the forehead.
He coughed and gasped for air. "I can't breathe! I can't-"
"It's gonna be alright! I won't leave you, James. We will do this together."
A tear ran down James' temple.

I heard the boys coming back, soon they rushed in with the meds bag.

The next day I was sitting on the beach, near the water, with James lying in my arms. He looked at the sea.

The next thing I knew is that he's swimming. Miles, Davy, Bil and I are standing at the shore. I cried. 'I said til the end.'

I took of my shoes and rushed in the water. "Y/N, what are you-" I didn't listen to Miles, I just swam after Jim.

He noticed me coming after him and turned around. "What are you doing?" "I said, I'd be with you till the end, so I will do that." we smiled at each other.

"James, I'm scared." I admitted after a brief moment of silence. "Sorry. If you can't do this, tell me." I didn't say anything, just kissed him and cupped his face. "I'll swim as far as I can. I'd rather not be alone." "I'm here." I answered and smiled. James looked at the birds above us, in the sky and then back at me. He pulled me in for a last kiss, took a deep breath and got under the water. I inhaled deeply and followed him under the surface.

Davy pov

Miles, Bil and I were standing on the beach, crying, mourning, our friend was leaving us. Y/N wanted to be with him so we let them be, let them share one final moment together. First Jim got down, then Y/N, neither of them came back up...

"So, I raise a morphine toast to you all and if you should happen to remember, it's the anniversary of my birth, remember that you were loved by me and that you made my life a happy one and there is no tragedy in that."
~James

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~Ally

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