The man I am in public is not who I truly am
My subconscious mind is ablaze in an endless loop
Cycling through existentialism, fear, and death
Forcing myself to be what others have seen me as for years
Trapped under a facade that I am no longer sure that I need anymore
A lie that embodies a person who hasn't existed for over a decade
Were I to erase this image
To allow the rerunning script at the back of my skull to take precedence
Would those around me accept it
Would they see...
No...
Could they even understand the reasoning behind my change
Could they ever fathom the truth
The fact that there was never a true change at all
Rather the removal of a mask
The shedding of an epidermis created to enclose my inner demons
The part that remains hidden from any chances of ridicule or shame
Perhaps this is why I despise the isolation I so crave
For without anyone to see
My mind wanders
It travels to the deepest reaches of catacombs and vaults locked from the inside
It examines without hesitation or discrimination to my feelings
It searches
For what
I do not know
Maybe to rationalize my fears
Or to discover new ones
Perhaps it longs for reasoning behind its self-imposed isolation
Or perhaps it simply wanders for no reason other than escaping a reality that is often disappointing
Perhaps it reaches out for some semblance of light
Only for the staining darkness to reach back
And laugh
YOU ARE READING
3am Anthology
PoetryA collection of poems and intrusive thoughts I wrote late at night when I couldn't sleep Note: Most of these were written while I was in a darker place in my life. Things have mostly gotten better for me and these thoughts no longer plague my mind a...
