Without You

6.

Waking up for Meredith had never been an easy thing for her, she was never a morning person, that was until she met Derek. He taught her to appreciate the way the sky would change colours and the world would come to life as the sun started to rise. So that's why she sat outside on her porch, a hot cup of tea in her hands as she watched the sun rise.

"Your daddy loved watching the sun rise, even on his days off he would be out here." Meredith spoke to her stomach softly as she ran her hands over it lovingly, smiling as she felt her baby kick. "This is going to be our thing, once you're here. Just me and you." She lifted her cup to her notice, gasping as the hot liquid went down.

She took a deep breath in and just allowed herself to take this moment in, almost capturing it in her mind. Pushing herself up, she stretched out her back and headed back inside, placing her cup in the sink before heading into the living room.

"Morning mom, I didn't hear you get up." Meredith smiled as she found Carolyn sat on the sofa with a magazine.

"Morning dear." Carolyn smiled, closing her magazine and pushed her glasses on to the top of her head. "I saw you outside but you looked like you was enjoying the peace and quiet so I left you to it. Are you ready for some breakfast?"

"I would love some, thank you." Meredith couldn't explain how much she appreciated having Carolyn here, living with her. It had made everything a bit more bearable, she couldn't even imagine how she would have coped being left alone with the silence consuming every thought and minute in her life.

"I'll get some going and then we will head to your appointment and hopefully this time we will get to see what little baby Shep is." Carolyn walked over and placed her hands on Meredith's bump as she smiled up to Meredith.

"This baby is just as stubborn as Derek so..." Meredith's smile suddenly faded when she spoke of Derek, her head dropping down.

"Hey." Carolyn said softly as she moved her hands to Meredith's arms and gave them a gentle squeeze. "I know it's hard, talking about Derek...but it's ok to be sad, it's perfectly ok to want to tell your baby about their father even when he isn't here."

"I just didn't think I'd be able to do this." Meredith reached up and wiped her tears away. "When he died I wasn't certain I wouldn't be able to survive without him but finding out about our baby saved me but it's still so hard."

"Of course it is." Carolyn smiled with tears glistening in her eyes. "I miss him too, so much, I know how much you wanted a family and I know he would be incredibly proud for you."

"Thanks mom, for everything." Meredith smiled and nodded her head. "I'm going to go take a bath, my back is killing me."

"That's fine." Carolyn laughed slightly. "Take your time and I'll some food waiting for you when you're back."

Meredith smiled back before slowly heading up the stairs, her eyes catching the photos of Derek and herself decorating the halls. It had always been a big thing for Derek, building a family home. He had wanted that for Meredith more than anything. Derek wanted her to have what he had growing up and he did that which Meredith would appreciate for the rest of her life.

Walking into the bathroom, she ran the bath and quickly stripped out of her clothes before climbing into the bath, sighing in relief as her muscles immediately relaxed. Leaning back, she allowed her head to rest against the bathtub as she closed her eyes, missing the comfort of Derek's touch. This had been their favourite thing to do after a stressful day at the hospital, just coming home and relaxing in each other's arms as they allowed the stress of the day to leave their body.

Once the water started getting cold, Meredith pushed herself out and moved to wrap Derek's robe around her body before heading into her bedroom. Heading to wardrobe, she pulled out a change of clothes before getting changed and throwing her hair up into a messy ponytail, not having the energy to make any effort.

                              *****************

Meredith sat on the exam table, her hands running over her bump as her baby continued to kick away.

"Morning Meredith, Carolyn." Carina smiled and nodded towards them as she walked into the room, a chart clutched in her arms. "How are we feeling today?"

"I'm good, apart from baby using my bladder as a kick bag and having to pee every two minutes, I'm good." Meredith smiled as she placed her feet up on the exam table and moved to take Carolyn's hand in hers, squeezing it tight.

"Ah that's joys of pregnancy." Carina laughed slightly before taking a seat and dragging the sonogram machine over. "Well, today will be nice and quick as we are just going to see if little one is going to work with us today."

Meredith nodded her head before watching Carina work. Her hand stayed squeezing Carolyn's as she waited in anticipation at finally finding out the gender of her baby.

"Ahh." Carina cheered happily. "Are you ready? Baby is definitely working with us today."

"They are." Meredith sighed happily but nodded her head, desperate for Carina to finally tell them.

"Congratulations, you're going to have a little boy." Carina smiled as she watched the mother to be turn towards Carolyn. She quickly wiped down Meredith's stomach and printed off the sonogram before leaving them to it, knowing they needed some time alone.

"A boy." Meredith whispered gently. "Derek always wanted a boy." She was no longer able to keep it together as she collapsed into Carolyn's arms. "We are getting our little boy."

"You're getting your little boy." Carolyn also couldn't keep the tears at bay as she allowed herself to cry.

It had for sure been an emotional day for the two of them but they had been blessed with finding out they would have a baby boy joining their family. Carolyn liked to see it that Derek had sent them exactly what they didn't know they needed until now.

So for now, they allowed one another to cry, not out of sadness but time time out of pure happiness. Baby boy Shepherd truly had saved them all.