and when you go, don't return to me, my love

chapter two - who are you, really?

     Kazuha thought it would be easier to talk to him. He thought his heart would come spilling out through clenched teeth, some part of him almost hoped it would. In that case, at least he wouldn't have to pick through the thousands of thoughts racing through his head to find something to say.

     "It's been a while, huh?" It spoke to Kazuha. 

     It even sounded just like him. It had the same faraway, carefree tone that he used to adore. Now, hearing it made him want to crawl out of his skin. 

     "It has." He didn't expect his voice to come out so shakily. He wanted to be calm, cool and collected like he always was, but the lump in his throat and the pit in his stomach threatened him every time he dared to say even a word. 

     "You've matured so much. I think you may have even gotten taller." The creature spoke with a halting tone, it could tell Kazuha was nervous. Could a creature like this feel empathy? He quickly shook the thought from his head, because if it could, why would it put him through such hell? Had he not suffered enough?

     "Perhaps I have." He forced out with an awkward chuckle. Every single bone in his body was telling him to run. He wanted to abandon all that lead him here. No matter how it ruined his plans, how he would have to explain to everyone why he'd been so cryptic and existential, those experiences would pale in comparison to the personal hell that this trip had conjured up. Why had he agreed to this? Why was he always so easily swayed by the ones he loved?

     As they continued up the path, the thunder lessened, and it began to rain. Not enough to be a hinderance, but enough to get them soaked by the time they reached the peak of the mountain. Yet, they continued up the path.

     "You know, Kazuha, I really thought I had a chance against her. I'm so, so sorry that I was wrong." It's voice waivered as it spoke.

     Something inside of him snapped at this.

     "Why are you doing this?" He refused to lose his composure. He refused to cry, to spend any more energy on this thing than he already had. But his voice was unsteady, and his face was twisted with hurt. He couldn't keep up his façade much longer. 

     "I thought you'd be happy that I was back after so long..." It mumbled, sounding slightly hurt.

     "But you're not back, are you? You're not real. You're a figment of my imagination at best, and at worst you're some creature sent by Celestia to torture me." Kazuha responded, and the wind began to blow harder. Rain whipped in all directions, and it made it more difficult for both parties to speak to each other. Cold rain mixed with the hot tears that spilled down Kazuha's face. 

     "K, please, just listen to me. I'm here, and you don't have to do this. You know that I can't leave you behind to do this to yourself." It began to approach him at this. How could it have known? It can't be him. It can't be. People don't just rise from the dead when you need them, he knew that all too well.

     "Don't come near me. We parted ways, I chose my path and he chose his. I moved on, so why are you here now? You're too late. Why couldn't you be there when I needed you, Tomo?" By now, Kazuha had left behind all efforts to conserve his dignity. He was down on his knees, weeping and praying to Her Divinity for forgiveness. Forgiveness for all that he'd done, and for all that he was about to do.

     It was hurt. And Kazuha was confused. Who was that, really? Why now of all times? Why couldn't he have stayed cold in the ground? Why couldn't they have parted ways for good? Why couldn't this have come sooner?

     When he was done weeping, he looked up, expecting someone to be looking back at him. Yet there was nothing but the rain to keep him company this time, and for the first time, that was enough.

     There was so much he wished he had said. He had the chance he'd been wishing for years to have, but when the opportunity presented itself, he found himself frozen. He wanted to hit himself, he wanted nothing more than to have his Tomo back for so long, and he blew it. What would likely be his only chance to ever speak to him again, gone in an instant. Yet, at least now, he could do what he hiked up that mountain to do.

     He continued up the mountain, feelings he thought were long gone and spiteful thoughts flooded his mind faster than his tears could keep up with. Before he knew it, he had reached the peak. The air was sweet with the scent of rain, even if it made him a bit lightheaded. 

     Perhaps that wasn't the reason he was lightheaded, though.

     With every breath he took in, it felt like his lungs were being crushed. But that was okay. Everything was okay. This was all he had to do. This is the last place he needed to be.