Too Far Gone

Chapter 1: Here I go again...

As the blade slides across my wrist for what I say is the last time, even though I know it wont be, I always say it will be the last time. I feel tears beginning to fill up my blue eyes, I cry, more then I've ever cried before. I lay back on my bed; the blood still flowing from the deep horizontal slit in my wrist. I hear my phone go off across the room but I'm to tired to get up and read the text.

I must have fallen asleep some point after that because the next thing I remember is my mum banging on my bedroom door, telling me to get up for school. I just want to lay there and not move. I don't want to exist. I finally pull myself out of bed and walk over to my phone, I read the top message. "Hey, Aiden you dickhead, have fun slitting you'r wrists, I hope you die you pathetic loser!! XD" It's from James, the school bully, he used to be my best friend, until I told him my secret, only he knows, It's worse than the cutting and depression, I hate myself because of it, but it's my secret. No one else can know! We can see how well that turned out. I try and pay no attention to what he says but no matter how much I try and push it to the back of my head, it keeps coming back.

I undress and get in the shower, "I wish I could drown in a shower." I think to myself. I wash my matted black hair and get out the shower. I dry off and examine my wrist, the cut is very visible, along with the others, so I cover them with some bracelets and get dressed into my school uniform. Black shoes, black trousers, black jumper, black tie, black blazer, everything black. I like black. Only the shirt is white, I hate white.

I grab my phone and headphones and walk downstairs, my mum, Helen, with her long brown hair and loving green eyes, sits at the table with my brother, or should I say my mortal enemy, Micheal. Him and I are total opposites. He's smart, strong, athletic, funny, charismatic and he gets all the girls. He's two years older than me, in sixth form, meaning he can wear clothes that actually look good on him, not the schools shitty, unfitting and unattractive uniform. His hair, styled in a neat brown quiff and his eyes, a piercing green as he glares at me from the kitchen counter. as for me, well I'm a fuck up. I'm the odd one out in my family, my mum and brother both have neat brown hair and green eyes whereas my eyes are blue and my hair is black, always matted and looks terrible, I look ridiculous in my uniform and I'm hated by pretty much everyone in my school.

"Morning precious" my mum says as I enter the room, "Pancakes?" She asks.

"No thank you, I'm not hungry" I was starving, but I didn't want to eat. I'm too fat.

"You weren't hungry yesterday, you have to eat something, your as thin as a twig"

"Fine. I'll have some toast. I've gotta go now I'm gonna be late" I was always late. "Why doesn't Micheal give you a lift?"

"Fuck off. It has two legs, it can walk." Micheal says.

"Micheal..."

"it's fine mum, I want to walk." I say interrupting her. I grab a piece of toast and my school bag and leave for school.