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Loneliness was slowly killing her. She felt it in every corner of the Little Palace, wherever she turned, she felt that she was alone, without anyone. Everything was suffocating her, she was trying to escape, but it was as if she tripped and fell again and again. Her home seemed to turn against her, all those people seemed to be unknown passers-by, she couldn't get those thoughts out of her head. Even Genya was overwhelmed by the queen's wishes and demands and the only person who could have brought her some joy in those days was prevented from giving her a hand of salvation and some peace.
He wanted that, he wanted her to feel like there was no escape, to feel the desire to run into his arms and tell him that he had won, that he had managed to break her and that he was the only one who could help her. And Nadya didn't even think of doing that, she wouldn't submit to him, she would do everything her way, she wouldn't let him bewitch her with his manipulative games. She will die a thousand times from that feeling, but she will not submit to it. The sun is also alone, all its existence, but it still shines, so why can't she, bathed in the colors of happiness.
The days passed so slowly, for Nadya it was as if time stood still. Ever since he left the Palace, everything was quiet, even too quiet, the whispers of the ghosts could be heard, that Nadya believed in them. Not a letter, not a word, nothing. Katya promised to write to her, but she didn't get a word that she was fine, that they had arrived without incident. All of this annoyed her terribly, she was so frustrated that she almost lost control of her powers several times. Because of her little problem, she revisited Baghra, a woman with a strange temper, who could often be aloof, but Nadya knew she had grown fond of her long ago, as she radiated unbridled confidence and energy. She remembered the lessons of self-control, as well as the feeling of actually summoning the powers to her, not resisting them and letting them flutter gently around her. The feeling was amazing and she felt whole again, without flaws.
But she'd be lying if she said she enjoyed it. Although she was physically present, mentally, her thoughts wandered miles away, sometimes even years back. She had always been restless, untamed, like a savage, she liked to hold all the strings in her hands, to be in control, and now she didn't have it. Aleksander knew that and used it against her, he wanted to teach her a lesson, just because he felt like it. For the previous four years, since they had been married, he had tempted her, tested her, tried to calm her fiery temper, but Nadya had always resisted him. Even though she had to live with him, she wanted to be herself, not to change for anyone, least of all someone she didn't love.
The midday sun was high in the sky, warming the interior of Nadya's room. The rays fell on her face, which was deep in thought. She didn't know what else to do, she thought for a long time and passed the time wandering around the Palace, flipping through various books, but all this was difficult for her. Aleksander knew her weakness, he was right, she couldn't stand being alone, what's more, she hated it. Since childhood, she wanted to be surrounded by people, because she knew the pain when you are left alone and helpless, when there is no one to help you. The day her parents were ambushed, they had no one to turn to, and it was her fault. She wanted her parents all to herself, without guards and other scumbags. How could she, then a seven-year-old girl, know that this whim of hers would lead to the death of her parents. Even after so many years, her conscience burns her and she often turns to the thoughts that maybe someone else was with them, that they would be alive, and she wouldn't be facing this situation like she is now.
She did not dream for days. She lay at night and thought about the days when she was free, when she didn't depend on anyone's will. The Queen was her protector, but she could never tame her, and her laughter rang through the Grand Palace whenever she pulled a trick. She wished she could go back to that carefree state, but she knew she could never look at those people the same way again. Everyone was using her, she was just a pawn in their game, they lost all respect she had for them.
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Manipulative souls || The Darkling (English)
RomanceBefore him, she was an innocent and naive girl, she had a special gleam in her eyes, and her soul was pure. But after him, she changed, she became different, she had that confident look, and she watched him without fear. She did not love him, but sh...
