I do not remember where my childhood ended,
Nor do I remember where it began.
As we are all,
We dont ever ask to be born.
For me especially on sleepless nights,
Did I ever wish not to exist.
Such a dark thing for a child to think,
One who hasn't even learned her times tables, or words on how to describe herself.
Yet that was my reality.
For so many nights my only friend was the moon with her stars,
Quietly twinkling and listening to what I had to say.
Between the sobs and the screams of anguish,
And she would watch silently as I was defiled and raped.
The cold clammy touch is all I can remember from that encounter,
With her dead fish blue eyes looking down at mine.
Holding me down for 6 years,
Making me play in her sick and twisted games.
I suffered in silence, as I soon learned was the norm,
For adults tend to never listen to when children tell them somethings wrong.
How long would I have suffered if I hadn't moved away,
Sometimes I wonder.
And yet what keeps me awake and restless on nights nowadays as an adult,
Is that shes still out there.
She gets to be free,
While it feels like Im still in the cage she put me in.
She doesnt have to deal with the pain she inflicted,
And theres not a moment that doesnt go by where I wish she would pay.
But theres no amount of currency nor any amount of time that will wash away all those years.
Yet I have come to terms of the invisible scars near my wrist and inner thighs left by her.
And one of these days, maybe Ill open my mouth and adults will finally listen.
