Dear Dad

You weren't there

Dear Dad,

I am writing this letter, and I hope it finds you in good health. That probably sounds strange since we have not talked in many years or perhaps ever. Either way, I wish you only the best today which is different from the way it has been. I have tried to write this letter many times before and never succeeded.

However, I do have a few things I would like to share with you, things I think you should know.

When you walked away and left me behind, you left more than just a child. You left behind a part of you in me that I have had to live with my entire life, up until now. I doubt I cried tears when you left, at least not over your leaving. Perhaps when the hunger kicked in, I likely shed some tears, but they were not for you. I would have to have known you to cry for you, or so I thought.

Growing up I got used to being called names like a bastard, I mean you did leave so it was somewhat accurate. Then again are you a bastard when both parents leave? Anyway, I digress, where was I? Oh yeah... As a child, it was uncomfortable never really fitting in. Fights were normal as I always felt alone and out-of-place. Anyone that called be a bas"...." or "son of a b...." , well those were fighting words. I had my step dads, but they did not look like me. I had anger no one could not understand. Health problems that could never be explained.

I want to thank you for the decisions you made back then. Your choices made me who I am today. I am happy that you left in fact else I would likely have ended up just like you, instead I ended up just as I am.

I owe you a debt of gratitude for the mistakes you allowed me to make. By not being there to protect or guide me. All the scrapes, cuts, and bruises...oh the bruises.

Did you know the turmoil you would cause when you left? Did you even think twice or ever look back?

I am okay now. I no longer hate you as I once may have.

Through all the tears, the pain and emptiness I survived. I became a man without my father by my side. I mean sure I had my step dad, then my adopted father, but where were you? You took the easy road, and I learned that from you. I always ran from my problems, because that is what my father would do.

The scars have healed, the tears are dried up. I am a grown up now, no thanks to you. I don't think you even should be called my father. A father protects his children; he doesn't leave.

A better name would be "donor"; that would be it. You donated your DNA and created me. Beyond that, you have no responsibility. Maybe your still alive where you might even read this. Can you read, I don't even know this? Perhaps your dead and I am writing to your memory. Either way, you have left behind a legacy.

Love your son