What do the stars feel when they look at Us?

Chapter 29: Matilda

That night I went home with Linda. We went upstairs, into her room. Her walls were plastered with papers full of drawings. Her bedsheets were white. The window open. No stars in sight. Just clouds and rain forecasts.

We made out but every time my lips touched hers I felt like I was kissing stone. Every time I tried to touch her skin I felt like I was trying to heave boulders.

I didn't know what to do.

So I just went along with everything.

I didn't want to hurt her. Again.

Because all I ever did was hurt.

I couldn't keep pretending.

No matter what I did it would result in hurt.

In that moment I realized how much I was doomed.

Suddenly she stopped.

I couldn't look at her.

And stormed out.

-

This was different. Those weren't the caterpillars. The caterpillars were gone, right? They left me in that night at the park.

This wasn't just me repressing, I knew exactly what I was repressing and the caterpillars weren't part of it.

I burst onto the street in front of our houses. It was late. I was sweating. All my clothes were full of sweat. My long white shirt must be closer to grey now.

I felt breathing on my neck. I heard snakes hissing.

I went down the hill.

My lungs didn't properly fill with air. I tried walking as upright as possible and attempted several, futile tries to stuff the growing holes inside my shoulders.

I followed the bikeway.

It led me back to the midnight train.

Matilda wasn't there.

And I felt protons decay.

-

I called Merlin.

He had just arrived at home after walking Pedro to his.

The industrial area of the city we had just been to was just behind these rails.

I asked Merlin for Matilda's number.

He was really tired.

He didn't really question my motives.

So he gave it to me.

And I called her.

And as it rung and rung and rung strangely comforting sounds of punk approached from behind me.

Matilda was slightly out of breath as she trampled onto the meadow.

She held her phone in her hand.

"I actually don't live wherever I described to you."

She pointed in the opposite direction of where I was always coming from and the one she had come from with her finger while she bent down towards me.

Behind the trees, there were flickering lights behind barely visible window frames.

"I live right there."

Her lips were covered in dark black.

"I'm glad you're here."

She took me into her arms. The frayed parts of her clothing tickled my skin. Hers felt soft on mine. She stepped away from me.

Staring into the opposite direction of where I was always coming from and the one she had come from just now.

Looking at me expectantly.

"You're just as much of nothing as I am, aren't you?", I asked her.

She smiled a weird smile that was as cold as the moonlight shining onto her face.

And it fit.

"I am. That's why I need you to get away with me."