Prologue

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Laying in bed, listening to the rustling of the wind flowing in through my slighting open window, and blankly starring at my ceiling, was all I could bare for the past few hours. It has all been too much. My uninterrupted hunt for Lady Whistledown, inevitably blew up in my face. It all came to shatters, after I myself discovered that my closest, and only friend, Pen, was herself Lady Whistledown. I cannot process the betrayal, and hurt, it has caused me. I trusted her with all of my secrets, she knew of my every step in the hunt for Lady Whistledown, even when the Queen thought me to be the notorious writer, and of course everything about Theo. She Knew, and used it to her own advantage. I immediately tore up all of my personal copies of Lady Whistledown upon arriving home. I had indeed kept two of every cover, admiring her distaste for society, she was who I wished to be, being a woman in this retched society leaves no other future than to marry and raise a family, but Lady Whistledown had been living my unreachable dream of writing and publishing. But all of that is tarnished, now that I've uncovered Pen. 

But that was all months ago, and all I can think of now was the last time I saw Theo. How when I accidentally dropped those scandal sheets and we went over to collect them, our hands touched, and when we stood up, I could feel the heat of his eyes starring into mine. I could feel my heart racing, and he was there, all of our moments together had boiled down to that very second, when he slowly attempted to lean closer. But I immediately backed away. I dismissed him, yes. Told him that people were already talking about us, but the real reason I backed away was due to my consideration of Penelope's constant comments on the matter. She had always insisted it was a scandalous choice to associate myself with Theo, but in reality, she was afraid he would provide clues that would ultimately unmask her. 

If only I could go back in time, if only Theo knew the true reason for what occurred. I wish I hadn't backed away, allowed him to come closer, yes... I regret not kissing him then. Now all I'm left with are all consuming thoughts of what could've been. He was the only one who listened, the only one who cared about my hunt for Whistledown, my thoughts on books, thoughts on the world, but I ruined everything. I truly have no one left. I want Theo back.   

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