1,000 words will kill me now
I slit my wrist while I'm crying out
This is not what i have ever asked for
That's why I'm still trying to close this open door
I wish it was easier to end my life
Instead i have to live with this endless strife
I have to live with this pain in my chest
I try to cut it out but it causes more stress
As i lay on my bed with emotions flowing
I think of my parents they are always glowing
Two dads and a mom, I would never ask for more
But i still feel hopeless now laying on the bathroom floor.
Blades on the sink, I imagine blood everywhere
Pills in the cabinet, I get an idea as i start to stare
I lock the door as my final thoughts are very clear
I pop the pills 'til i see an empty bottle
I grab the blade and start cutting in full throttle
I turn on the bath water as blood drips from my arm
No one ever thought that i would self harm
I lay in the tub watching the bath water turn red
The most beautiful color, The color telling me I'm almost dead
I start to feel faint as I lay thinking
"If the blade and pills don't kill me, I can drown or start drinking"
I blackout with that being my last thought and i start dreaming
It's my sister she found me, she starts crying and screaming
My dad runs in not knowing what to think
I was daddys little girl and mommys everything
Dad calls mom but shes not answering.. Drunk again
He leaves her a voice mail but she isnt sober til 6am
I am pulled out of the water as my dad sees the empty pill bottle and cuts on my arm
Hes crying and screaming "Why didnt i realize she did self harm.??"
The ambulence is on its way now i hear the sirens in the distance
Not knowing why this dream is so realistic
Everyone starts to blame themselves for my depression
They dont realize i was way worse before i met them
I'm laying in a hospital bed now
I hear someone say "It's a miracle, how.??"
I realize I'm not dead this is my second chance at life
I can't wait to throw away my blades and knife
I don't know what's going on but i know it's not my turn to die
I hear a raspy voice, I turn around, and open my eyes
My dads sitting next to me than starts hugging me and crying
He said "I thought i lost you, I thought it was my fault, I couldnt stop you from trying."
I knew it wasn't his fault but i didnt reply. Im just so glad i wasnt dying.
~Taylor Skaggs
