𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 ── eddie munson

003

The haunting echo of toy trains whirring and churring and the periodical release of steam every few, prolonged seconds. 

No, no, no. I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleeping. How is this possible?

The atmosphere had gone cold. It scraped at the nape of her neck like sharp, icy fingernails. Now, she could no longer hear the distant echoes of students in their classrooms, only silence remained. She cursed herself, longing to hear something, anything other than those damned trains. The angry yell of her father or late brother, the collective laughter and ridicule from last year, hell, she was complaining about Eddie's voice being a plague, but she really could've heard it at that moment. She could have heard anything, anything other than the trains. 

Lola hadn't quite mastered the art of confrontation fully. Petty remarks and retorts she could just about handle, but not this. She wasn't even sleeping, which sent a million questions through her head every second she was trapped in the void. The void is what Lola called that state of emptiness. Every time she entered the void in her sleep, despite knowing of her inevitable return, she always questioned it. Like right now, her skin was littered in goose bumps as the trains rumbled closer. The sounds of her childhood. That was something she was not ready to confront, so she hid. She buried her head in between her knees and curled up in a ball, praying to be swallowed whole by the numb walls. They were a lot colder than usual, as the floor.

The girl didn't dare peak, not even when she heard the snapping of broomsticks, or when the trains approached so close she thought they were chugging around her brain. It wasn't real. It couldn't have been real. She wasn't sleeping. 

"It's not real. It's not real. It's not real." She repeated over and over, voice merely a strained whisper, afraid that if she was any louder something bad would happen. Tears fell down her cheeks, but she didn't dare peek. Not today. She would confront it when she could face it, but today was not that day. 

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into what felt like hours and those hours well, those hours stretched into days and weeks and months, sat in that same spot. Lola was frozen cold and her teeth were rattling in her skull, but she didn't want to look, to explore. Not again. 

But soon after, her saving grace came in the form of Ms. Kelly. At first, Lola thought it was part of the void, and held herself tighter. 

"Lola, are you alright?" She spoke softly, her heels clicking louder and louder as she approached the girl, "Miss Hargrove?"

A light tap on her shoulder followed more worried exclaims. "How do I know it's you?" 

"Lola, of course it's me. You're shaking, come on, stand up, come to my office."

She was still doubtful until the realisation hit that she actually could no longer hear the trains, nor the broomsticks. Her skin wasn't so icy and the dull hum of classroom chatter had unknowingly crept back in. Lola opened her eyes and there she was, Ms. Kelly, who looked unbelievably concerned. Crap, she thought, could I be anymore obvious? How do I know it's you? Damn it. 

"Sorry, Ms. Kelly. I'm all good, I didn't mean to scare you." She said nervously, pulling herself to her feet without the aid of Ms. Kelly's outstretched arm. 

Ms. Kelly shot her a knowing look. "You didn't scare me, Lola. What are you doing out here?"

"I fell asleep, I know, detention. I was just so incredibly tired, and I had a nightmare. That's why I asked if it was you," she rambled, definitely obvious, "I thought you were the monster in my nightmare. It was blue and fluffy and had sharp teeth." Way to go, Hargrove. First rule of lying - never over explain anything. Ugh. 

"You fell asleep?" Ms. Kelly's eyebrow quirked so far up, "And had a nightmare, in the middle of the hallway?"

"Yup. I didn't sleep much last night. You know me, always listening to music." She smiled at an attempt of convincing the counsellor. Spoiler alert, it didn't really work.

"Right, well, why don't you come for a chat in my office? Maybe we could catch up on the weeks worth of sessions you've missed."

"Ah, yeah, about that... I was meaning to come and uh, tell you I didn't need your help anymore." Lola remarked, shoving her hands into her back pockets clumsily and rocking back and forth on her feet. 

Ms. Kelly sighed. "I'm glad to hear that, Lola. But one more chat wouldn't hurt you, would it? I feel like I've been making excellent progress with your sister. Let me try. And if you don't wanna talk, you don't have to."

Lola nodded and began to follow behind, her shoulders relaxing at the sight of other people through the windows and her jaw finally managing to unlock when a warm gust of wind swept through the hall.

When they reached her office, Lola reluctantly entered and sat down. She didn't want to be here, of course she didn't, that's why she hadn't turned up to her sessions for at least a month, maybe two. Ms. Kelly didn't bother with niceties, she went in straight for the kill the minute Lola's ass hit the chair.

"So, how've you been? Are you still dreaming about Billy?"

Lola coughed, not expecting such a raw question to be asked so soon, let alone first. She composed herself quickly, and leaned forward in the chair. "I've been good, like I said, and no, they stopped when I stopped turning up."

 "I see, so that must've been a relief I assume."

"Oh yeah, big relief, everything's been great."

Ms. Kelly either didn't pick up on the sarcasm, or chose to ignore it, "that's so good to hear. What about the sleepwalking?"

Now that turned her blood cold. As if the blatant Billy question wasn't harrowing enough. But despite the insensitivity, Lola thought Ms. Kelly meant well, so she swallowed it down, yet struggled to answer. 

"Fine."

"Fine? Fine as in it's stopped?"

"Fine as in fine." Lola smiled.

"I can't help you unless you open up. I can't help you with struggles if I don't know what you're facing."

Lola's jaw was grinding. She really, really didn't want to be there, in that office. "I'm fine, Ms. Kelly, really."

"Lola," the woman sighed, putting her pen down on her notepad, and looking straight into her eyes, "you have to level with me, Lola, and tell me the truth."

And... there it was. The snap. Her locking of the jaw and the clenched fists snapped back and forth until this moment. She couldn't hold it in anymore. 

"The truth is, Ms. Kelly, is that I'm still sleepwalking. Every night I wake up somewhere new, holding something new, doing something new that I didn't do the night before. The truth is, your counselling didn't work, and I'm still repeating the same days over and over. The truth is that even if you're making somewhat progress with Max, I can see that absolutely nothing has changed in her in a whole year. She comes home and goes straight to bed and I don't see that girl until the morning after. And the truth is, this room only reminds me of Billy, and how he's gone, and how coming here and telling you the same pack of lies every week won't bring him back. So there you have it. I'm sorry, Ms. Kelly, but you can't help me anymore."

And with that, Lola Hargrove put on her headphones, left the room, the building, and went home. 

note;

I really banged out 3 chapters in a day for my 5 readers. Can't you tell I'm inspired?