A Heartstopper Fanfic

Chapter 2: Communication

(Charlie's POV. TW: Throwing up and the mention of self-harm!)

Hours later I woke up to an immense feeling of thirst and ungodly hunger. My stomach is practically scratching at my insides causing me nearly unbearable pain. I've gone longer than a week without eating but it has been some time, my body needs to once again adjust. Lifting my head up and off of Nick's shoulder, I'm hit by an insane dizziness, the kind that makes the room spin and your vision be a bit off. To say the least, I'm feeling quite groggy.

Careful not to wake Nick up, I crawl backward off of him, sitting still when he makes any sudden movements or sounds. But that doesn't happen much, he's dead asleep. From what Nick's mother has told me in order to embarrass her son, (which I think is hilarious by the way,) he's been a deep sleeper all his life. On the other hand, I'm always tired, but insomnia sometimes pops in to say hello.

Once my feet hit the ground I take a minute to collect myself, falling down the stairs doesn't sound nice- and neither does stumbling. I scratch my face since my dried tears are causing an itchiness, (that's not fun,) then proceed to stretch. 

Afterwards, I make my way to the door and then slip out of the room. Lily is laying at the bottom of the stairs, wagging away. "Hey, cutie," I whisper to her once I'm on the first floor. During Nick and I's fight, she was quick to leave the room. I extend my arm out to pet her and she approves of my offer, immediately showing me her belly in response. A few moments pass and my arm gets tired so I apologize to her for having to stop then proceed to carry on to the downstairs bathroom. It didn't take too much time after being up to start feeling nauseous, what a surprise. Could you tell that was sarcasm? Ah, I love being sarcastic. Sarcasm is no doubt verbal medicine.

Pushing open the bathroom door so that it makes only a slight creaking sound I hobble my way over to the toilet, my right hand covering my mouth until I finally reach it. Then that's when the awful thing which I had to do happens, I throw up. I don't have much in my system except for some water, so that's what makes its way out. My stomach is now officially very empty. That's when I question whether or not to flush the toilet considering it'll be loud and quite possibly wake up Nick. But, after some thinking I do flush the toilet.

Seeing what I just did makes me feel even more sick. I'm on my knees in the bathroom, and because the toilet seat is down my arms are resting on it as I lay my head down too. Closing my eyes stops everyone from spinning and worsening my splitting headache. Though, when I open them back up it'll without doubt be much worse than before.

Just now the effects of my actions were starting to affect me, even my skin was for some reason stinging slightly from my unhealed self caused injuries. (Probably because I never disinfected them and Nick never had the opportunity to do so for me.) More scars to rain down the feeling of self disgust on me the next time I get in the shower, or put on a trendy crop top that Elle gives me. But whatever, that's on me, it's my own fault.

Lily pushes her way inside the bathroom with her nose then nudges me. When I don't respond she licks me and that's when I slightly break down. I'm surrounded by so many beings that have a special place in their hearts for me, that deeply care for me, yet I still manage to fuck up, only making them worry. They don't deserve that. "What am I going to do, Lils?" I question her as if she'll respond. Lily just blankly stares at me with her adorable puppy dog eyes. And that's when the answer comes to me, I have to let Nick in, I have to let him know how I'm feeling instead of hiding and avoiding.

Even with knowing that standing up and heading back upstairs will be a struggle, I do all of that anyway, not wanting to make Nick come downstairs. Entering the room in front of me is a sleeping Nickolas Nelson. He looks so peaceful, so calm. I'm about to ruin that, aren't I?