The Great History

19 - Attachment and Despair

Our heroine had peculiar tastes and this was quickly reflected in her and her mother's home. The exterior, as we've already mentioned, was modest. Whitewashed in color deliberately of light earth, almost sand. The tiles were also ordinary, but they were even lighter and formed a pleasant feeling, associating modesty with good taste. Yet it was from within that Duhghtér's misunderstood aesthetic genius was evident. The indoor pool was tiled in greenish tones.

The walls of the atrium were terracotta-colored for comfort, but immediately above the pink stone floor was a strip of reddish stone, just under three feet high. Each cubiculum was doubly whitewashed and the white interior gave them the impression of being larger, which brought some comfort to the slaves, which was unusual.

The tablinum was more cream-toned, and the windows were glass in subtly shades of brown, which contrasted with the indigos and blues of the peristyle. Duhghtér had difficulty because neither the Romans nor the peoples of antiquity - with the exception of Mesoamericans - had a name for the color blue, but the 'light purple' with some effort, was enough. The garden on the west, 'hortus' as it was known, was paved on the east with very pale sandstone stones, and the large window was a sober cream, a little darker; the kitchen was shades of rusty yellow and the dining room had sand-colored stone floors, light, a strip of marble just a shade above and the rest of a very sober moss green, the office was quite light, more or less like the living room.

Méhtēr's room was a portrait of monastic sobriety: white ceiling, beige floor, light beige wall, while Duhghtér's was, as she put it, "evocative": the floor was made of black stone with mica stripes. and the same rock, but in a dark silver tone, almost graphite made the 90 cm high strip that was the characteristic of the room. The wall was surprisingly purple, polished, pearly and intense, and the ceiling was the only one in the entire house that wasn't white but indigo with a yellow glass skylight, stylizing the moon.

Duhghtér had heard a lot about herself, but she wasn't a bitch, or a whore, or irresponsible, or a failure or a disappointment. It was on that day that the sun began to emerge as deep violet, then purple, then pink, and red until it was yellow against an extraordinarily blue background, that she decided if everything was scary, what difference did fear make? 

She called Nelle, left some written explanation for his mother, and decided he would go to Rome and exchange ideas with his father.

_ What are we going to do in Rome, lady?

_ What the Romans do, Nelle, what the Romans do. Let's drink to remember, to bring back all the memories to toast those of today with us and those of yesterday that we lost. As soon as our mares turn the curve, put on these clothes and put on these sandals. No one needs to know that you are a slave. Today I will disappoint my mother and be happy during the task.

_ It has everything to go wrong, ma'am.

_ That's why we're going to do it, silly!They mounted the mules, which seemed to feel the joy of the two and of spring, and went quietly to Rome. 

Duhghtér had more body and was a little taller; he had white skin at the time; she had brown hair and green eyes, and one would say voluptuous; Nelle was a little shorter, thin, but also fair-skinned with brown hair and eyes. They were a beautiful set of women, which certain perfumed oils and discreet makeup - which even Duhghtér applied to Nelle - helped to highlight.

Arrived in Rome at lunch time. As vampires have a very keen sense of smell, her father didn't take long to find her; they made the social introductions and went to a tavern, where they ordered an emmer bread and a salad of leaves and olives. Nelle and Belkerd ordered hard-boiled eggs. As Rome at night was by no means a safe city, they went to the market to buy some ingredients for the scene. And wine, to pass the time more pleasantly.

Nelle didn't understand the dynamic between Duhghtér and Belkered, but she didn't ask questions either. They certainly weren't lovers, although they marveled at each other and also looked like old acquaintances who were just getting to know each other. Strange indeed, but... he seemed to be an artist, a cross between a blacksmith and a sculptor.

_ Girl [that's what he called Nelle], I was a blacksmith, in fact one of the first ones I came from, I can say. And I also liked horses, so you can see this theme around the house, which apparently you found strange.

_ I was not surprised, sir, is that...

_ Don't worry about justifications, they spoil the conversations. You're a picena, aren't you?

_ From the south, sir.

_And also a slave, certainly. No one free is so helpful.

_ Yes, Duhghtér [who was in the garden picking spices] chose me.

_ And Póthni must have chosen someone quite different, I suppose.

_ Yes, Wianka is northern Picena and very different from me. She said, sketching a smile.

_ Galando da absent?!? How ugly! Duhghtér was smiling and had put some flowers in her hair.

_ We are getting to know each other and also distant people. Belkered also looked good-natured.

_ So are you getting to know each other? Say, Mister Belkered.

_Your mother must have told a lot about me...

_ In fact, I have several versions.

_Most probably true, but there are certainly important omissions and significant exaggerations, he said, while drinking beer.

_ I believe so, but we have time to build more honest impressions. Nelle, tell us about yourself._ Should I really, ma'am?

_ Dughter. We are not in the presence of the world or my mother's. Relax!

_ Yes, don't worry about the simulation exercises. Here we talk and listen without problems. Not always, but it happens a lot. You were certainly born free...

_ I was born in Asculum. My childhood doesn't matter much, it was normal, I was a child and early on I helped my parents, then they died in a fire and my uncles sold me to the Romans. I became a slave and then slave things happened to me. That was basically it. It doesn't make much difference, because at the limit, regardless of anything, life only changes people's pains and pleasures, but everyone suffers and everyone eventually has joys, whatever.

_ It is a surprising thing vison for who has so young age; I, who lived much longer and was and am very free, think basically the same thing. Life is always the same, what changes is that some live the process, but most are always in the game between attachment and despair.

_ Attachment and despair? Duhghter was confused.

_ Yes, I believe that they are the two sides of the same coin. We only despair because we cling; in that sense, by taking everything away from me, they made me free. Slave is my body, always obliged to say yes. But that leaves the opportunity for my mind to be free and say no, or better yet, just don't care.

_Really, whether we are slaves or free, everyone wants to prolong pleasure or avoid pain. That's why they are always frustrated. create unrealistic expectations, go ahead and live anxious, upset, sad and afraid. Nobody almost simply the moment, you know? Feel the smells, sounds and colors of now and get enough of it.

_ And for that very reason they blame themselves and others, they are functionally incapable of forgiveness, which is what allows and promotes the necessary conditions for restarts to be possible, completed Belkered.

_ You are a little strange - said Duhghtér, filling his glass of beer and nibbling a bread stuffed with arugula and olive oil - I avoid having too many expectations and try to save my tears for another day.

_ But then you end up saving the smiles too.