Heart and Home

Rest

Rupert thrashed around and hit different things. She climbed onto the bed as he cried out unintelligibly in anguish as she pinned his shoulders down before he tore his wounds back open. "Giles! Rupert, wake up! Please it's me, Buffy. You're safe, now." Buffy pleaded until he stopped struggling and opened his eyes slowly. She was so scared that she might loose him. His eyes were dilated with terror and he gasped. Buffy didn't move. "It was a just a nightmare." She told him. "I'm not leaving. So you'd better talk to me. Giles, I know I've failed you so many times, but I can't do this without you. Well I can but" She choked back a sob, refusing to cry. "But I don't want to. I can't lose you, not again." She said softly. Rupert was pulling away, trying to curl up in a ball, grunting in pain and swearing in frustration when prevented by the burn and pain. "No, You can't. You'll hurt yourself, Rupert!" Buffy yelled as her eyes flashed with anger. She'd seen him give in to hopelessness and despair once before and she didn't like it then either. She took hold of his arm and pulled him gently from his side, back onto his back. "Stop it!" She shouted at him. "You can't...do that." She added as she stopped as his eyes finally met hers. One thing she hadn't expected to see in them was fear. "Giles, what is it?" Buffy asked him concerned. "Buffy?" He rasped. "Earlier, for a moment I thought...you were Drusilla." He said with fear present in his eyes before the recognition of Buffy being there. She waited for a moment brushing his hair out of his eyes. "I don't know what's happening to me." He said. "I know but you're going to be just fine, Rupert." She said, taking his fingers into her shaking ones. "Don't be ridiculous, Buffy, of course I'm going to be fine. I'm not worried." He said looking at her. The shaking began to subside as they stared in to one another's eyes. "Just because you're a stuffy Englishman doesn't mean you can't have feelings." She retorted, her voice going wobbling. "Or get scared. You've spent so much time trying to make up for Ripper. That you've forgotten how to be Rupert." She said, tearing flowing down her cheeks. "I can't afford the luxury of being Rupert. I let it happen once, and she died. I can't let it happen again." He said softly as he wiped away her tears. "Yes, you can because I will be right by your side this time and I'm pretty hard to get rid of." She said as she placed a kiss on to his forehead. Rupert's eyes widened in surprise. "I can't be my true self, Buffy. I don't know how any more..." He replied as he looked up at her. "Yes you can, you already have once and got fired for it." Buffy said as she reminded him of that moment. "And did I say thank you? No." Her lips trembled as she spoke. "I seem to have spent a lot of time doing that. After Angel-Angelus, I just... I never thought-I mean grown ups just seem to get over things, and I don't think that I could survive this life without you. I'm babbling, do you want to stop me now?" She said as she saw affection light up his eyes. "Not particularly." He answered lightly, the effect marred by the catch in his voice. "I th-thought you were doing rather well, actually." Rupert said looking up at her. "No, I'm not." She said softly, fighting the urge to cry again. "I'm not doing very well at all. I ran away. Everyone else was so angry with me. You should have been angrier than any one and you weren't. You were..."  She said trailing off. "...A fool." He said looking at her. Buffy shook her head, her eyes glittering. "I was going to say that you were Giles and that means everything to me." She said softly. At that Rupert raised himself painfully onto one elbow, the exertion telling, the lines in his face etched harshly in the moonlight. "I thought I'd lost you. Everything else was irrelevant." She said as she slid off the bed. "I'll get you something for the pain." She said quickly as she called for the nurse who helped him with a morphine drip. Rupert's green eyes flashed with emotion, vivid against his pallor, as he looked up at her grieving face, but before he could speak, her eyes closed again and he grimaced. Buffy was there, easing him carefully back onto the pillow, pulling the quilt over him as the nurse let him have a morphine drip. Rupert looked over at her and noticed that she looked so fragile and her hands weren't quite steady. "You should get some rest." He said looking at her. Her eyes met his again and held them for a long moment. "So should you but I'm fine for now. I promise you." She replied looking at him, worried. He laughed bitterly, closing his eyes, the tension draining away, the pain slowly abiding. Then they fell asleep, holding one another.