𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐃|𝐓𝐖𝐃

3.)

i sat beside glenn and maggie in front of the fire as we ate. hershel was explaining how to get a good garden started. "the place has very good soil. we can make a good home out of it." he began to cough. "are you okay daddy?" beth asked as she patted his back. i stared at him, worried. he nodded. "oh yes dear i'm okay. quit worrying. you too persephone. i'm okay." my mind calmed itself at his words. i was worried for him. he had just had his leg from the lower knee down chopped off and today was his first day back on his...well... foot.

     when everyone was done eating, we all went to our cells. it was late and i was quite tired. i laid in my bunk staring at the ceiling, just thinking. i always tried to keep my mind busy. and at night i liked to go to sleep early. my thoughts at night were always filled with shane and sophia if i stayed up too late. once i get to thinking i just cannot stop. i turned onto my side. there was a pit in my stomach that had began to grow all day. this always happens when something bad is coming. it happened the day that our camp got overran in Atlanta and we lost amy. it happened when we got to the cdc and it grew as time went on. it happened when we broke down on the highway that day sophia ran away. it happened the day we found sophia, and it happened the day that shane died. the list goes on.

     shane. i think of him constantly. i lay my head on my pillow every night and instantly think of him. he doesn't leave my brain, not for one second. he's in the back of my head all of the time. tonight i remember the first time i'd ever witnessed someone turn. carl, sophia, and i were in a tent the night that the camp got overran in atlanta. we zipped the tent closed as we cried quietly together with lori. lori and carol held us all tightly and shushed us to keep the walkers away. i thought the attack was over so i ran out of the tent to find glenn. i needed my brother desperately.

     the walkers weren't gone. i fell to the ground as someone tackled me. it was a walker. it smacked its teeth in my face as i began to scream. i used my hands to hold its arms away from me but it's head kept getting closer and closer to my face. i felt my arms begin to give out and my heart felt like it had stopped beating. i couldn't reach for my knife because if i moved one hand it would fall and bite me in the head. i tried to hard to push it off and i finally succeeded. i kicked it off of me and stood quickly. i reached for my knife but it was gone. id left it in the tent. i looked around quickly, seeing shane. i took off as fast as i could towards him and he grabbed me when he saw me. he stood in front of me and killed the walker that had previously been on top of me.

     after making sure there were no more around, he bent down to hug me again. i was crying from fear. i was so overwhelmed by the noise, by the guns, by the sight of a bit amy laying in andreas arms, by the blood, by the bodies, by the attack. all of it. he rubbed my back and shushed me. "it's okay. nothing will hurt you as long as i'm here. ill always protect you persephone." he comforted me. soon i heard glenn begin to call for me. "seph!" he yelled as he looked around. i picked my head up off of shane's shoulder and he let go of me. i ran to glenn straight away and jumped into his arms. he picked me up like he used to do when i was a kid. he held my head and back.

     he set me down after a few seconds and kneeled in front of me. he held my face in his hands and searched my body with his eyes. "are you okay? are you bit or scratched?" i shook my head and he hugged me again. "i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to leave you alone like that." he said quickly and i just cried and hugged him.

     shane saved me that day. i saw him as a dad. so when he flipped his shit one day randomly, it hurt me more than i could ever explain. he turned his shoulder to everyone. began to lie. and he got so angry so quickly. he had changed in the worst way possible. and it confused me. he slowly stopped teaching me things. he stopped talking to me, stopped worrying about me. i tried desperately to fix him because i felt as if i had done something wrong. i just wanted to return the love and support he gave to me, and i didn't even care what happened i just wanted shane back. i loved him.

     of course looking back now i know i didn't do anything, it was never my fault. it's just that this world.. our reality, it changes people.. majority of the time it was for the worst. and that day shane let those walkers out of the barn was the day i made a promise to myself i would die before i ever turned into a maniac, even if it meant committing suicide. i had seen what harm a person can do under a psychotic break, id felt it first hand. and i vowed to never, EVER in a million years hurt people the way shane hurt me, hurt the others.

     and what hurts even more is that i can't help but blame rick. i love rick the same way i love shane but often times i have to remind myself that shane would have broken under the pressure with or without rick as his trigger. but i really can't help but wonder what life would be like now if rick really was..dead. i wonder if everything would have been fine if rick had been killed in that shooting pre-apocalypse. and i hate myself for thinking that way but it was a feeling i could never shake, and never express.

     and as that pit in my stomach grew, my eyes watered as i felt myself begin to cry. thinking of shane always made me cry. guilt began to consume me as i blame rick subconsciously. "stop it." i whisper to myself. "be strong. like glenn." and so i did just that. i squeezed my eyes shut and let that terror in my stomach fade into numbness and spread across my whole body, falling asleep. tomorrow was going to be a terrible day. i could feel it in my bones.
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this was a deeper look into seph/persephone and how terribly shane's death is affecting her. as the book goes on you'll really be able to see it. also i know it's not going in order but i wanted to change a few things to suit the story better. the overall storyline is going to stay the same and everyone is going to die as depicted in the show. this is a while from now but i can't wait until seph meets noah and stuff. per-noah has been my favorite part to plan out because persephone gets to actually be happy. prepare for car-sephone too btw 💗
love always,
seph

also im not allowed to have tiktok anymore because of my poor mental health and some silly rules my dad made but please feel free to contact me with any critic on my writing through here :) also i hate to be that people but please vote for the chapters, with no way to promote my story won't go anywhere 💀💀