My note book about my life!

I wanna kill myself

Life is hard. Like literally and like existing is just so hard. Also just talking to people. It seems as if im like developing worse and worse social anxiety.literally I could barely tell the worker person where the fitting room is. And like i wish i could just leave this place because like yeah who needs earth anyway. But life is hard. Some of my friends they like are like not mean but like the dont like this girl in my class but i think the girl thinks they are very annoying so she gets really mad at them and i feel like hanging out with them is gonna make me have the blame. And i feel like if im not " a good enough friend" they will just ditch me. I do have other friends but my friends would just make me feel so bad if they left me. We have just created such an amazing bond in our friendship. I dont want anything bad to happen. Because one time. My friend did something that my other friend didnt like. And my other friend told my friend. And that same day while  walking home she told me " so and so is so annoying i mean i was just doing it as a joke  like why is she taking me so seriously?" I just nodded and was like "Yeah". So i just do whatever they say. But i just feel like they have been starting to ignor me kinda not intierly just spending less and less time with me. And my friend sits beside me in class. And she always secretly always moves to her best friends desk. It makes me really worried that im just gonna be alone in this world one day. Because of everything going on and everything that already has. And im so stressed out. Also because of my tests and all my studying and just looking like im fine on the outside but on the inside more depressed then like idk who's really depressed? I barely tell anyone whats going on and i just silently suffer everyday. IM just worried about my future because life is like a two way street right?  Idk I'm just in  a lot of pain. And I'm just wishing all of this would just stop. I wanna go tot herald or at least be able tot all to someone in person about this but I feel like my parents are gonna think they did something wrong or will want to know every bit of everything.im just like really worried and stressed but i. Can always count on you guys because i am proud of you guys for still being here today And you are amazing at everything. I love you so so so so so so so so so so s much im so proud of you you are amazing. Bye!!!!!!!!!

-Kyle