Light in the Dark

My Story

So I've decided to come out and share my story. So here it goes.

I've been bullied most of my life. High school was the only exception. In elementary kid's used to play "The Liz Touch" so I only really had one friend at that elementary school. Then I had to move (I've done that for most of my childhood only when I was 16 did we settle down) kids bullied me behind my back hell 4 of my 6 friends were calling me names behind my back. They called me ugly while I'll never know why I think it's because of my café-au-leu spots. They called me gay I'll never know why but it's probably because I wouldn't go out with the guys they set me up with. I can't remember the exact age I was but I think I was about 10 years old when my youngest sister developed leukemia when she was 2 years old. That's when my mental health spiraled. I think another part of developing depression and anxiety is that people with ADHD/ADD are more susceptible of developing depression and anxiety so I believed that also played a part in it.

I just felt completely and utterly helpless. I can't describe the feeling of it. My life felt like it was out of control. It was something I couldn't control. It scared me. It really did. The being I prayed into existence was almost taken away from me. 

Like I said I fell into this depression. I told one of my friends her reply made me entirely just shut down. Lock away my emotions. Keep them bottled up. It's something I still struggle with. She told me, "You're just choosing to be depressed. Just snap out of it."

She knew my sister was going through that! Like how can you say that to someone who's experiencing something so traumatizing like that!

That's when I started to self-harm started. I don't ever endorse or encourage self-harm. If you feel like doing that seek help. I wish I did.

Luckily we didn't lose her. But the depression and anxiety stayed even after it. I wasn't diagnosed until I was about 17 or 18. It was crushing to hear. I knew I had it I saw the signs. 

It wasn't until I was 15 that my parents found out about the cutting. I was forced into therapy. I wasn't happy about it at all. But now that it's far from when it happened, I'm happy they did.

I never thought I'd feel better but I do now! I know this depression and anxiety won't ever go away fully. But I can get a reign on it. Will there be days I fall back into it? Of course but I know that I can control it. I don't have to let it control my life fully.

So yeah that's my story and I'm sticking to it.