On A Night Like This

Chapter Twelve

-Dylan-

When he woke up, Dylan knew he was in trouble. He hadn't wanted to like Jayce, but that's exactly what had happened.

He could still remember the feeling of Jayce's hands on his shoulders and back, their warmth on his bare skin, and the soothing way Jayce massaged his hands. Even better was the way Jayce snuggled against him last night to stay warm. For the first time in his life, someone had turned to him for comfort instead of shying away because of his appearance.

He knew he should get up and start the fire, but his arms were still wrapped around Jayce and he didn't want to let go. He never wanted to forget how it felt to have Jayce's head tucked under his chin.

The other thing he couldn't stop thinking about was not only Jayce telling him he was attractive, but listing the reasons why and the things Jayce liked about him. He wasn't aware that there was anything likable about him, or that someone could see past his scar and his angry facial expressions and find anything worth looking at.

He liked Jayce, but he knew nothing would come of it. Jayce was an incredibly kind person, and that was it. Jayce's kindness didn't mean Jayce wanted to be with him. Dylan didn't have a lot of experience with people, but even he knew that just because someone was friendly didn't mean they were interested.

Jayce stirred in his arms. "You awake?" he mumbled.

"Yeah. I'll get up and get the fire started."

He reluctantly let go of Jayce and got out of the bed. He assumed Jayce would stay put until the cabin warmed up enough, but he was surprised when Jayce got up and started making oatmeal for both of them.

"Thank you for doing that," he said.

"I want to help. You've been so nice to me."

"Even though I wouldn't start the fire again last night?"

Jayce chuckled. "Yes, even though you let us freeze last night." He turned his attention back to making the oatmeal, but a second later turned around, a determined expression on his face. "I also want to say I appreciate you being cool with me. I don't think there are a lot of straight men who would cuddle with a gay man all night. You're a really open minded guy for living in the middle of the woods."

Dylan didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. Jayce made it sound like Dylan was doing him a huge favor by tolerating his cuddling, but that was far from the truth. It was something he wanted, and he suspected if Jayce knew he liked him and liked what they were doing, it would freak Jayce out and he'd think Dylan was a creep. It wouldn't be the first time someone thought of him as a creep, even though all he had done was glance in their direction.

He felt guilty keeping this from Jayce, and he knew it was wrong to take advantage of Jayce's kindness when he was starting to have an ulterior motive for letting Jayce touch him.

-

After they finished breakfast, they went on another snowshoe, partly for something to do and partly so Jayce could gain more experience for when they had to hike out of here. Dylan measured the snow depth in various places, making a note of it so he could report back on the conditions. While he was doing this, Jayce wandered around looking at the snow adorning the trees.

Dylan wasn't expecting it when he felt snow hit his back. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Jayce grinning and forming another snowball. Dylan felt warmth in his chest and he couldn't help smiling. No one had ever wanted to play with him. In school, the other kids assumed he would hurt them given his size, so he was never invited to play any of their games at recess.

He quickly formed a snowball and lobbed it at Jayce, taking care to make sure he didn't throw it too hard. Jayce tried to duck, but the snowball hit the top of his shoulder and exploded. He laughed and lobbed one back at Dylan before taking cover behind some trees. Dylan found his own cluster of trees to hide behind and started making as many snowballs as he could.

For a while they traded fire, but when Jayce disappeared behind his trees to replenish his snowball supply, Dylan began to sneak through the forest off to one side. Despite his size, his experience hiking and snowshoeing allowed him to move silently on the snow and around the trees. He caught sight of Jayce adding to a pile of snowballs and crept up behind him.

Jayce picked up one of the snowballs and peeked around a tree, looking for Dylan. "You ready?" he called out. When he got no response, he stepped out from behind the tree. "Dylan?"

At this point, Dylan was within arm's reach of Jayce and he lunged, wrapping his arms around Jayce and taking him to the ground. Jayce screamed, and for a second Dylan wondered if he'd gone too far, but Jayce was already laughing. He felt warmth in his chest again and the sensation of butterflies in his stomach. In fact, he was feeling a lot of things.

Jayce sat up, a wide smile on his face. "I guess you win. How did you manage to sneak up on me? There are all kinds of rocks and sticks under the snow."

"Experience."

"I knew it!" Jayce exclaimed. "You do stalk and murder people!"

Fortunately, he knew enough about Jayce at this point to know Jayce was kidding. "If that's what you want to believe."

He pulled himself up into a sitting position, and then yelped as cold snow was pressed onto his neck and tumbled down his back. Jayce was laughing even more now, and he realized Jayce had shoved a handful of snow down the back of his shirt. He simply shook his head and didn't retaliate.

"That's how I know you won't kill me," Jayce joked. "If I can do that and get away with it."

Dylan stood up and offered a hand to Jayce to help him up from the snow. Jayce still wasn't very graceful in his snowshoes.

"I'm sorry we didn't walk very far," Jayce said. "This took up a lot of energy."

"It's okay. This was better."

Jayce smiled. "Thanks for going along with the snowball fight. I know it's a little childish, but it's nice to have fun once in a while. It seems like it's a lot of work to survive out here."

"It is."

"Next time, can we build an igloo? Or some kind of snow cave?"

Dylan nodded and gave Jayce a small smile. Jayce's enthusiasm was infectious and he was already looking forward to their next walk through the forest. It was nice to have a friend - his first friend.

-Jayce-

That evening, he studied Dylan's profile as Dylan knitted by the fire. He'd had a lot of fun with Dylan today and was relieved to see that Dylan did have a playful side when he let his guard down. His favorite moment was when Dylan had tackled him into the snow. Dylan had made sure to break their fall with his body so Jayce wouldn't get hurt, but secretly, Jayce had wanted to feel Dylan's weight on top of him. He wanted Dylan to push him down and kiss him.

It made no sense that he'd gone from fearing this man when they first met to having a crush on him. He hadn't wanted to confront those feelings and kept pushing them to the back of his mind, but they were getting harder to ignore with each passing day. And after the way Dylan had let him snuggle up against his body all night, any of his resistance that was left melted away completely.

But there was nothing he could do about his crush. He didn't want to make things awkward in the cabin by bringing it up. It was too small of a space and there was nowhere else either of them could go. Besides, he knew Dylan wouldn't return his feelings. Even if Dylan was questioning his sexuality, Dylan wouldn't be interested in someone like him.

Jayce was entirely forgettable and it had been that way his whole life. There were times when people had skipped over him, forgotten to mention him, seemed to not even see him. Sometimes it felt like he was invisible. There was no way Dylan would like someone so ordinary, so average that he faded into the background.

Dylan also wouldn't be interested in someone who was inept when it came to the outdoors. He knew his helplessness wasn't attractive. Dylan needed a true partner - someone who could live out here with him and help him maintain the cabin, not someone who would distract him and be another thing Dylan needed to look after.

He sighed as he stared at Dylan. A man more confident than him would have told Dylan how he felt, or at least flirted with Dylan in a way that left no room for ambiguity. All he was going to do was pine over Dylan and wish things could be different.