Tied Together

Chapter 8: Breathless

I don't remember the fall, I just remember being swallowed by the water. The forces of the water pushing me down, down, and down. It was unforgiving, it was strong, but it eventually regurgitated me.

The fractured light shines through the water as I desperately swim to the surface. Fresh air had never been so sugary sweet, so luscious. So wanted. 

Rebecca and I managed to make it to land. Thankfully the distance to shore wasn't too far. I had to swim us both there, Rebecca was barely staying afloat. She is a little shaken up and with a few visible injuries but alive. She is alive.

I am tired- so tired. Nearly killing myself to save others is tiring. 

This time saving someone was... different. This time I had to face my biggest fear. This time I was certain that I was going to die. That I would hit a rock down below and not wake up; forever in an eternal sleep. 

Being so close to death, so close to not being here made me think about who I have in my life. Who would miss me? And that thought hurt more than any of the cuts, bruises, injuries that I have sustained before. That thought cut deep, slicing straight through to my heart.

 Because I have no one. I had someone, but she died.

I feel like an empty vessel wasting breath, taking up space. Wasting space that could be for someone more deserving, someone loved. 

Even the one person who was destined- who was biologically predisposed to love me doesn't. want. me. My own biological father doesn't want me. And suddenly it feels like I am under the water again. Fighting for oxygen, drowning slowly.  

I look over to Rebecca.

She is sitting up now. She is soaking, her body shivering from the cold breeze. But alive. My clothes hug my skin uncomfortably close, my hair is plaster to my face. There is a close breeze on my foot and I look down. 

I am missing a shoe.

And then I do the most inappropriate thing to do after nearly dying.

I burst out laughing.

I don't know if it is the surrealness of the situation, the adrenaline, or the relief of surviving. But I laugh, forgetting reality for a moment, and it feels fucking great. I can't remember the last time I laughed so truly, so raw and ugly, so... me. 

The crazy thing is, Rebecca starts laughing too. I wiggle my toes and we both laugh harder. 

So here we are, laying soaking wet on the grass. Battered, bloodied and bruised and laughing like a bunch of maniacs. Laughing at something this is really not that funny. And for a moment, everything isn't so bad.  

"The fishes can have my shoe, I never liked it anyway," I say, shaking my head in disbelief.

Rebecca wipes tears of laughter from her eyes. "How the fuck do you lose your shoe?"

"How the fuck do you fall into the river?" I snort. 

She laughs, "Touché"

We fall into a comfortable silence, still slightly in shock of what just happened. After awhile I notice Rebecca is studying me. 

 "How are you so casual about this? We nearly... died" 

I shrug, not sure how to answer that. 

 "Seriously though, your fucking nuts, jumping in for me. Who the fuck does that?"

I look out at the waterfall. It is truly beautiful. I lot prettier from a distance through- a far, far, far distance.

"I just like to swim in dangerous waterfalls in my spare time, you know," I say, shooting her a lazy grin.

She mirrors my smile before laughing again.

"Well im in luck then, because I don't think I would have made it out in one piece if you didn't help me back there" 

***

I don't think Rebecca has sustained any serious injuries, just a lot of swallowed water and surface grazes and cuts. I wasn't as lucky... I know I have fucked up my ribs and arm. I don't feel much pain at the moment but I know that is just the adrenaline numbing it for the moment. I am not looking forwards to when it wears off...

Unfortunately, I don't get to check it out further because some students and teachers have arrived, puffing and panting out of breath from running. 

Should have swam- it's quicker.

Ray is beside me in no time. His breathing is erratic and his body tense. He is disheveled from head to toe. Warmth spreads to my heart seeing his concern, but quickly subsides when I realise he is worried because of the match pull. Because he is tied to me. 

The adrenaline pain killer is starting to wear off and a burning fire licks my ribs. Every breath feels like a thousand knives stabbing me. I try to keep still, very still. Avoiding movement that will undoubtedly trigger pain through my body. 

"Wuh-w... w-where are y-you" He pauses because he can't form a sentence. 

He is shaking.

This catches me off guard. I am speechless. 

Ray is... stuttering. 

Ray hasn't stuttered since he was a kid. I remember he used to have it bad as a kid, struggled to speak sentences during primary school. But he quickly grew out of it. It was so long ago that I forget he even used to have a stutter. Now he is always so composed, so poised. Never mispronounces a word or stutters. It is unusual to see him like this- to see him nonplussed. 

"It's alright Ray, I'm fine. I promise"

"N-no your not! I-I saw you hit s-so" He stops talking, taking a deep breath. 

I can feel the frustration radiating off of him. He takes a second, clenching his eyes shut.

It is painful to watch him like this. I feel guilty, I'm the reason his stutter has come back. I am the reason he is distressed. My heart aches, I wish I could make him feel okay.

 "So.. many... rocks" He finishes slowly. His voice cracks slightly at the end. 

I wince remembering. I am thankful that he didn't see me hit the ones out back, out of eye range from where the class were situated. They were the worst ones.

His eyes scan my figure intently, I try to further hide my arm, but he notices. He moves closer to my arm, a serious expression overtaking his concerned one. He stares at me with so much intensity that I feel like I will melt under his gaze.

"Tate! Are you alright?" Mrs Shute calls, hurrying over towards me. 

I open my mouth to speak but Ray speaks first.

"No, s-she isn't" He clears his throat, " Call an ambulance"

I grimace. "No, it's fine my Dads a doctor," I say, giving Mrs Shute my most convincing smile.

Ray's expression hardens. And then I remember one of our previous conversations. 

"I thought you said to the teacher that your Dad is a doctor?"

"Yea... he is. I never said that my Dad would check it out my injuries..."

He knows I am lying.

"No. We are going to the hospital" Ray says, his voice gruff eyes dark. His stutter long gone and  replaced with a frustrated firm tone.

"No really, that's not necessary, I am fine." I don't want to go anywhere near the hospital, anywhere near my Father. That is why I fix all my injuries- to avoid seeing him, well that and it's also a hell of a lot cheaper.

His jaw shifts and I know I am testing his patience. He looks to the sky like he is praying for strength. He looks back down at me, his eyes a shade darker.

"Fine." He grits out, clenching in fists. 

 I let out a breath. 

"But, I'm checking you're injuries then."