the rebound

873 days

music. music has always been a coping mechanism of mine. music can listen to you and help you let out your emotions. music has helped me in so many ways, it's insane. i just put on my headphones, turn the music up as loud as it can go, turn off my lights, and just listen. listening to all the emotion in the song and in my heart.

someone taps me. that's all it takes. i take off my headphones and turn on my lamp.

"hey sweetie, i bought you your favorite ice cream!" my loving mom says.

"thanks mom but im not really in the mood for ice cream right now. i'm just going to go to sleep i'm really tired." i say. knowing full well im lying.

"okay sweetie, goodnight. i love you." she says as she closes my door with her on the other side.

i turn off my lamp and unplug my phone. "i'm tired" is my main excuse to why i can't go out or have fun with my family. it's the truth though. i am "tired". not in the sleepy way, in a different kind of way. it's hard to explain.

i open my least favorite app. snapchat. it was his favorite. he was number one on my best friend list and we had a streak of 873 days. those 873 days were the best days of my life. 873 days of hanging out, going on vacations together, going to parties, and just talking. i open my best friend abby's snap.

"molly, are you okay? cause you have not been active on snap like you normally are. can i come over?"

my answer to all of these questions are always, "i'm fine. thanks for thinking about me though!" i'm not fine though, even if i say i am. i will never be fine. he's gone, and for good this time.