sink in you (dreamnotfound)

life is puke (20,000)

"Well, I just—I always feel like I'm, like, chained to it? Like, I'll only ever be good for playing the guitar in Dream's band, and do backup vocals on Dream's love songs about girls he met at a college party for a school he's never been to."

This is the look of a normal therapy session in the shoes of George—rant about being famous, complain about his roommates, sometimes ask if he should just quit.

"Maybe you need a break from music," his therapist suggests, jotting something down on her notepad as George stares up at the ceiling, counting the tiles as he twirls his thumbs back, and forth, and back again. "I'm not exactly a professional on the music industry, but if you could somehow catch a break—even if it's just for a week—then that could be beneficial to your mental health. It seems as if work is the biggest source of your stress."

"It is," George mumbles. "I hate it sometimes. A lot of the fans don't like me, and it's a lot of pressure, especially during concerts and festivals and stuff. Performing live is so scary, and Dream gets annoyed with me when I mess up."

"Dream gets annoyed with you?"

"Yeah, when I fuck up our concerts. If one of us three fucks up, he's just in a bad mood for the rest of the day. One time he forgot the lyrics to one of our songs and he punched a hole in our bedroom wall. It's fixed, though. The landlord told him off for it. I don't like it when Dream gets mad because I don't like seeing him upset."

"You really do care about him," she notes. George nods.

"I care about him a lot," he says. "He cares about me sometimes. Yesterday, he spent the entire day in bed with me. He's really 50/50, though. It's always a surprise. Sometimes I wake up and he's just an arse, but sometimes he's the sweetest person you'll ever meet. I don't know what the fuck is up with him sometimes. I never really get the worst of it, though. He usually tries to soften it around me.

"I know how he feels about me. He acts like I'm too delicate to see him upset but he's also not the best at hiding his frustration all the time. Yesterday, I didn't really want to talk about why I completely ditched him at the festival, and he was like 'can you just fucking talk' and that made me feel really bad. But he doesn't mean it. He never means it."

"He has no reason to get frustrated when you don't want to open up to him," the therapist says. "He's allowed to care about you, but you need your space. I've talked to him about this before."

"It's kind of hard to get space from him, we share a bed."

"Have you ever considered moving to sleep on the couch? Or asking him if he would move?"

"Dream would get his feelings hurt, he likes to sleep together."

"George, you've got to start letting yourself benefit from certain situations—you never seem to let yourself have anything good, okay?"

"I kind of like cuddling with him," George blurts out. "Sometimes. I like it when he hugs me. Yesterday I took a nap because he made me sad and I didn't want to deal with it, and he just hugged me and apologized because he thought I was sleeping."

"Yeah, he called me while you were napping," she responds. "He tells me he's worried about you. He also told me you cried in front of him yesterday."

"I couldn't help it." George messes with the strings of his sweatpants. "I don't know why I was crying. He picked me up because I wouldn't get out of bed and he called me 'sweet boy' and I just, like, broke down. And I cried myself to sleep again last night. That's most days, actually."

"It would do you a lot of good to be more open with him." His therapist writes more on her damn notepad. "You're basically sharing your life with him, and he cares about you a lot. Being honest with him could be really helpful, George."