Home for the Summer (BOYXBOY)

20 | An Exciting Conversation

Nicolas went on a run every day at exactly 3:30 PM. His route wrapped around my neighborhood, winding down the sidewalk beside the beach. I could see him through my bedroom window and, from that high up, you weren't even able to tell who he is. You couldn't see the curls in his hair, the shimmer in his eyes. You couldn't make out how his smile stretched up towards the left before it evens itself out. He was just a dot of a person, running outside of my bedroom window and toward the pull of the tides.

Everytime I saw him running, I thought back on what he said about working out- how he liked to "run off his issues". I wondered what issues he had here. Maybe I was one of them. Or, maybe, he didn't have any real problems in California. Maybe he just ran because it was a routine. I gardened, Benji surfed, and Nico ran.

But, he did more than run. He baked and surfed and watched TV and woke up early and watched every sunset and drank ice water instead of soda. That's the thing about living with someone; You know them better than just their hobbies. To the people in Vermont, the one's at his school, he was a hockey player. He was just Nicolas Young. But, here, he was Nico, and I knew him better than I knew almost anyone.

Today, as I watched out my bedroom window for the dot of Nico to pass on the sidewalk, I realized that in just a few minutes, Lilli would be coming over and I would have to tell her that I'm not interested. This was a nightmare.

The one other person who has ever had a crush on me was Caroline Barrow from my 4th grade lunch group. She had very long blonde hair and was the only girl I knew that watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We were good friends and, one day, she wrote me a note saying: "I have a crush on you. Do you like me back?" I just remember being very confused, because I had never wanted her to be my girlfriend. We held hands and hugged and did all the things normal friends do and now, she had a crush on me. So, I checked "no" and sent it back, which made Caroline start crying.

When Nico asked me why I said no, I told him it was because I didn't have a crush on her. She was just my friend.

"That doesn't matter," he said. "You hurt her feelings." Caroline and I didn't sit in the same lunch group after that. I'm not even sure where she was now. One of my worst fears is that something similar will happen with Lilli, so my plan was to strategize. I closed my curtains as Nicolas darted past my house and moved to my bedroom mirror.

"Hey, Lilli," I whispered to myself as I fixed my hair. "I've... Totally had a lot of fun hanging out these last few days... And, I think you're a super cool person... And I really like being around you... But, I don't think I like you in that way." I pinched my eyes and shook my head.

"Hi Lilli! You're... Awesome, but I really just... Don't like you," I continued to run my fingers through my hair while my voice softened. "I don't know why I don't like you. I should like you. Everything about you is pretty much perfect. But, I don't." I huffed out a breath.

"Hey, Lilli. I don't like girls. Or... Jesus christ. I don't know."

I wished that I had never asked her out. Why did I even do that? It was such a stupid idea that, ultimately, left me with more issues that I had starting out. Maybe if I closed my eyes hard enough this entire situation would dissolve.

The doorbell rang and I jumped, taking a quick look in the mirror before darting downstairs. "Is that Benji?" Mom asked from behind her cup of coffee.

"Um," I replied, clicking the lock open. "It's Lilli." She gave me this very strange look before I opened the door and met Lilli's eyes.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hey." She was wearing a pair of loose, overall shorts with a striped t-shirt underneath. Her hair was done into two braids and her perfume was heavy. "Here, come on in."