ineffable

i | mason and me

❝all you did was smile at me
and i was your forever.❞

ღ

I can only remember Mason Sage as one thing: the love of my life.

He gave me the best year of my life. He made me happy and he asked for nothing but love and affection in return. Yet I failed horribly at providing that for him.

He is and will always be the most beautiful person I've ever met. Inside and out.

He was tall and slender but definitely not lanky. Anybody with eyes could see that he worked out — it's something that he has always been obsessed with, not to mention the excruciatingly strict diet he always stuck to.

Black curls fell to his brows in a messy state — it was always messy and no matter how many times I tried to get him to fix it, he wouldn't. He has a crooked nose, he was always insecure about it, but whenever he pointed it out I would kiss him right on the tip of his nose, and he'd forget about it.

He has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. They're not quite green but not quite brown — a mixture of both. I'd fallen in love with the color hazel when I met him. Whenever he stared at me I'd get this odd feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I'd become a flustered mess.

And then there's his smile.

Oh God, his smile.

The way his cheekbones lifted, and the side of his eyes wrinkled — the way two deep holes dug into his cheek and how white his teeth were. I fell in love with his smile before I fell in love with him. I looked forward to seeing it every day — and if there was ever a day when he didn't smile I wouldn't smile either.

We met in my senior year of high school. He was a transfer and I was his guide.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him — much like all the other girls in our grade. But he never saw them, he only saw me. That fact dazzled me to this day because I was nothing, compared to him I was a solid 2 and he was a 10.

We became inseparable.

Two peas in a pod. Wherever I went he went, whatever I did, he did.

I was his.

And he was mine.

But it wasn't right at the time. I had too much going on and my life was falling apart — he stuck around, and he was always there for me making sure that I never felt alone. He said he would wait for me, always. Though I begged him not to.

It was graduation day that I broke up with him.

Because Mason Sage deserved the world. Not me — I couldn't give him the world because I was too busy fighting the things I never told him about.

He cried that day. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry and it was because of me. Because I chose to end it. Because I couldn't hurt him anymore. Because I didn't want there to be an us anymore. But I regret it.

He asked me why.

I couldn't give him a reason.

I couldn't tell him why because then I'd have to explain to him that I wasn't good enough for him and he'd say something to make me stay — the way he always did.

When I turned my back on him that day, I knew it would be the last time I'd see him because he was bigger than me. He had dreams to accomplish, he got into Harvard — his dream college and I was going to be stuck in the small town of Sunnyvale.

He texted me on graduation night. He begged me to change my mind — he told me that he couldn't do it without me.

I blocked him, I deleted the message, I deleted his number and that was it. The last time I spoke to him. Everything ended then.