At this point, finally I understand that no matter how good I am. No matter how much I love, no matter how much I sacrifice, no matter how dear and sincere I am. it will never be valuable to the person who never grateful. everyday I'm trying my best to be okay. but damn it so hard. I always say to myself like "its okay, I can handle it." while my heart hurts.
Yesterday, I was afraid of losing you until I realized you never really belonged to me in the first place. Because even my heart was with you, yours was with everything and everyone else. So instead of being afraid to lose you, I sat back and watched you choose you own happiness. Maybe Allah kept you away from my life because He knows everything you do behind my back. Whoever is wrong, either me or you. But this time I chose to stop here. Whoever is evil or cowardly in this regard. We are two people who both fail. I failed to fight for you and you failed to make me believe you again.
I will never convince myself that you weren't worth it or that you didn't make me happy or that I wish that I never met you. Because there was once moment where you were everything that I needed. I remember asking Allah to remove you from my life if you're not the one for me. We kept on coming back, and I thought we were made for each other. little did I know, Allah was magnetting us back to each other to teach me. He's letting me know how much the wrong love could hurt me because He knows I wouldn't have walked away because of my capacity to love endlessly. I took the pain until I couldn't. It feels so liberating to finally let go of something I thought was right for me. -<3
