funeral ballad, stranger things

table of contents

FUNERAL BALLAD
table of contents

"i don't know about you but, family or not, i would have thrown him out of a window if he said that shit to me."

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prologue. this time is different 15
part one. the vanishing of alison j. byers' carefree, live in the moment, attitude 19
i. where there is (or isn't) a will 21
ii. the teens aren't alright 40
iii. sweet pre-teen turned king asshole 55
iv. shove your 'pumpkin' up your ass 77
v. asshole ali 95
vi. if the world was ending (and it was) 119
vii. beat her to the grave 144
viii. better out than in 160
ix. the nancy wheeler effect 177
x. daddy's girl learned fast. . . 192
xi. forget everything a horror movie advises 314
xii. maybe we should be more prepared 324
xiii. the king can go fuck himself 331
xiv. the kid outside the comic book store 344
xv. communications via kiddie pool 357
xvi. demogorgon traps, deadly weapons, and a remorseful steve harrington, oh my! 367
xvii. payment in the form of chocolate 384
xviii. old bracelets, new truces 399

part two. i'm not messing with possession 410
xix. the pimping out of sisters 412
xx. everyone's a freak in some way 422
xxi. do not, under any circumstances, ever tell mom 431
xxii. the truce calls for honesty 443
xxiii. stand your ground, will the wise 456
xxiv. the party requires assistance searching for an inter-dimensional slug 469
xxv. open all the doors and windows 480
xxvi. the most epic date to ever date 491
xxvii. i can really break the machine 500
xxviii. the unfortunate return of the demogorgan defence weapons 511
xxix. never ending slew of curse words 523
xxx. please tell me they're not in there 534
xxxi. the mind flayer and the byers siblings 548
xxxii. the most badass girl 557
xxxiii. ali fights back (and quickly loses) 571
xxxiv. light her up 580
xxxv. i can't tell you, i'm sorry 591

part three. what a fucked up summer 604
xxxvi. broken rules and small town returns 606
xxxvii. steve's inability to talk to women 615
xxxviii. garage band (and an invitation) 626
xxxix. a day off means doing nothing (not playing reporter) 637
xl. thea thinks she's real pretty 649
xli. no matter what 663
xlii. the return of will's bad feeling 671
xliii. plans missed in favour of a sauna experiment 685
xliv. jonathan and nancy join the team 696
xlv. the destruction of hospital equipment 710
xlvi. he knows where we are 722
xlvii. time is running out 736
xlviii. ready, i love you, break 750
xlix. an epic display of fireworks 761
l. eighteen years of life 773
epilogue. enter sandman 788

"i-i can take a gap year."