"i just want to keep calling your name until you come back home."
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how does one ever stop the guilt? do you just continue your life in a vicious cycle of deliberations?
wondering what could've happened if you stayed home that nigh...
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The candy bars were still on Will's pillow when Alison poked her head into his bedroom. She knew he wasn't there, but she couldn't help the need to punish herself, even in a small way.
She shuffled into the kitchen, passing the fried phone which lay innocently back on the hook, and she dropped into a chair at the table across from her mother, thankful it was Jonathan's week to cook. She watched her frantic mother quietly as she inhaled what looked like half of her cigarette in one breath and exhaled shakily after a moment, turning her head to blow the smoke in the opposite direction from where her daughter sat.
"All right, Mom." Jonathan's tone was gentle, afraid to startle, "Breakfast is ready."
Alison placed a notebook on the tabletop when her brother attempted to put the plates down, and Joyce immediately took to shuffling papers away from her children. Her wild eyes frantically ensured nothing had spilled or stained the poster they'd spent the night making perfect.
"No, be careful of the poster." She pleaded.
"Yeah, okay." Jonathan set the plate down once Joyce had moved everything, "All right."
"Sorry," Alison whispered, and she grabbed the plate her brother had tried to put down in front of her. She set it on the notebook so she wouldn't upset her mother, "Thanks, J."
Joyce shook her head, "I can't eat."
Alison frowned in worry, "Mom, you need to."
"We just need you to eat, Mom." Jonathan urged her.
She shook her head again, sniffling, "Listen, listen. The Xerox place opens in like thirty minutes..."
"Yeah."
"But Ali has her test first thing, and I don't want you to go alone–"
"No, no, I know." Jonathan interrupted her gently, not wishing to worry her, "I told you, I got it."
"Screw that test." Alison said, "I can go with him."
"No." Both her mother and brother told her in unison. Alison rolled her eyes as she grabbed her fork, scooped up some eggs, and shoved them into her mouth, chewing as she watched her mother, who continued, "So, I'm gonna have Karen take you, 'cause I should be here."
"Okay, okay."
"We need to make what, two hundred, three hundred copies? How much is a copy?" Joyce questioned, seemingly more to herself than to her children, while Jonathan voiced his agreement, "Ten cents?"
"Okay, Mom. Mom..."
Alison frowned, "Hey, Mo–"
"I-If we–"
"Mom." Jonathan grabbed her hand, "You can't get like this, okay?"
"I'm sorry," Joyce whispered to him. She looked at Alison, "I'm sorry."
