Now or Never | Luke Patterson

prologue

Prologue

☾

Cely

June 18, 1995

"And I know now, that I'm so down..." Luke sang, vibrating the way he always did as the last beat dropped.

I smiled. Everyone was going to know his name someday, there was no doubt in my mind about it. The amount of passion he had for music was admirable, and he had the voice and talent for it too. When he played, it was as if everything else faded away. Nothing else mattered. Just him and his guitar, and it was captivating to watch.

"Well, look who it is," I finally managed to pull my eyes away from Luke, who had now turned his attention towards me, as Reggie spoke up. "The girl who inspired the song herself."

Alex looked at me with a smile, "Hey, Cel."

"What'd you think?" Bobby chimed in, as Luke went back to ignoring me—like he has the last couple of days—and glanced at the ground.

"You guys killed it," I smiled at them. "As always."

"Feels like we haven't seen you in forever," Reggie placed his guitar down on an armchair, and walked over to give me a quick hug. "What you been up to?"

"Oh, you know," I said. "Just a bit distracted with college and Juilliard stuff." I glanced behind him at Luke, who still refused to look at me. "Luke," I called out his name. "Can we talk?"

"Uh," he finally looked at me, when all the guys turned their eyes towards him. "We're kinda busy, Celina."

Did he just-

I sighed and scoffed, simultaneously. "Right," I muttered. I wasn't exactly sure what else I was expecting from him. He'd already managed to ignore my existence the last few days, despite living less than five hundred feet away. Why wouldn't he ignore it now?

"We could take a five," Alex stood up from behind his drums, obviously noticing my irritation with Luke's behavior. "I'm sure we could all use a drink anyway. Reg? Bobby?" He gave each of them a stern glance, and I mouthed him a "thank you," which he responded to with a small nod and smile as he walked past me to lead Reggie and Bobby out the door.

When their footsteps receded, I turned my head to look at Luke.

"So, what's up?" he asked, removing the mono connector from his guitar, still refusing to make eye contact.

I crossed my arms. "Why don't you tell me?"

He scoffed and shook his head, as he removed his guitar from his body and set it down. "You're the one who wanted to talk, Celina."

And there it was again. Celina. He hardly ever called me that. Maybe when we first met, but ever since we became whatever the hell it is we are now, it's only been Cel, Cely, babe, and baby. Not Celina.

"Alright, fine, I'll talk," I said. "What the hell has been going on with you?"

"Yeah, I don't have time for this," he walked further away from me, towards the grand piano where his journal was.

I followed, and stood on the opposite side from him. "Of course you don't," I set my hands on top of the piano. "Because god forbid you do anything other than avoid me."

"I've got better things to do than argue about this, Celina," he picked up his journal, and walked away to sit on the couch on the other side of the garage.

I let out a sharp sigh, and turned to face him. "I'm not arguing, I'm trying to talk to you." He went back to ignoring me, and began writing in his journal. I sighed again, and walked over to sit down beside him. If he wasn't gonna talk, then he was gonna listen. "I care about you, Luke. And this thing between us, whatever it is, it means something to me. I think it has ever since the day we met. But if it doesn't mean jack to you or you're sick of it, the least you could do is tell me. I mean, didn't we say we'd always be honest with each other?" He continued ignoring me, and proceeded to scribble lyrics in his journal. "Luke," I nudged him.

No reaction. No answer. No nothing. Not even a glance.

"Can you please say something?" I asked. "Anything."

"I've got more important shit on my mind to deal with than this, Celina," he briefly looked up at me, before returning his full attention back to his journal.

I wonder if this is how all feelings die. Although I could never get myself to admit it out loud, I'd fallen for him. Slowly, but surely. It started out as a harmless crush, but then one day fell into the next, and it became much more than that. Suddenly, it'd been nine months, and I couldn't imagine life without him. He made me so happy. Even on my worst days, he never failed to make me smile. And now, he was becoming the reason I wanted to scream, cry, and shout. I think this is how feelings die. When the person you love decides to stop loving you back, and you're the only one left fighting for it, there doesn't seem to be another option. No place to go but down.

"Right," I snorted. "Fine, then I'm done," I shrugged. "If you don't want to at least try to talk this out, then I'll stop." I stood up, and looked down at him. "I refuse to be the only one who's trying, Luke," I reached up to unclasp the gold L necklace he'd gotten me for Christmas from around my neck, and tossed it down on the table, as I shook my head. "I won't do it."

I saw his eyes briefly shift from his journal to where the necklace had landed on the table, but he said nothing, giving me the only answer I needed. All that was left for me to do was walk away, so that's what I did.