Through The Years

I'm Grounding All My Fears

Prompt: 'A room so quiet you heard the pin drop' && 'Poison'

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Stiles should have known that he would get caught in the drama, he always seemed to find himself there. His best friend, a werewolf with notably the worst luck of any other single person he had ever met in his life. Stiles was convinced that most of his bad luck came from the fact that he had made the unfortunate mistake of befriending the idiot in childhood. Years of him warming his way into being Stiles' left hand, had left little to be desirable. He knew that he was mostly harmless but that didn't negate that he could do harm. Usually, Stiles was the one cleaning up his messes while he ran off to do god knows what. Stiles preferred not to keep too many tabs on what he did, rather than get dragged into more of his messes than usual. He was already busy trying to have any semblance of a social life that didn't follow him around.

Scott got the girl and the boy of his dreams, which you could say was a happy ending for him even with all the pain in between. All the while Stiles had the girl of his dreams, but that didn't turn out well. It turned out that he wasn't her dream and it might not have been his dream either but that was okay. So he took what was left of his sanity, joined the FBI, and ran off to training without looking back. There was a small chance that he'd find his dream there, leaving behind the hellscape that was Beacon Hills. He left the only place he had ever known as home and his family, his pack. But this was for the best, he had no time to be sad over his choices because this was something that he simply needed to do. He was putting himself first for once, not his dad, Scott, or the pack. They had all moved on, keeping him around more for pity. His dad had Melissa, Scott had Allison and Isaac, and most of the pack had paired off and the ones that hadn't had each other. Besides, if for some reason they ever needed him they had his number. Stiles would always be a call away, no matter the costs to himself because he hadn't managed to set a single healthy boundary yet so why would he start now. Stiles doubted that they would call, he wasn't sure if they were being distant or if he was being stand-offish.

More than almost anything Stiles dreaded leaving. He didn't particularly want to go but he knew if he didn't leave that he would find himself running in the same circles he always had. That nothing would ever change, he would run himself into the grave and it would be an early grave. He was only Stiles and he knew that but it didn't bother him any. He was a helping hand, there when they needed him out of convenience -and at times more of an inconvenience- than a friend. He circled around the group more like an outsider than a real pack member. They would all deny it if he ever brought it up to anyone. It was always 'that simply isn't true' and 'Stiles, we all love you and you mean so much to all of us'. The words were thrown around so often that the words felt more like empty calories, the intended use lost. They were thrown around more than they were shown, each person had a different phrase of choice. Each time the words were thrown around the more they stung, burrowing themselves beneath his skin and Stiles hated how easy the words managed to get under his skin. That's why he had to leave.

Stiles had gotten a new car, leaving his jeep behind because even the memories stung. He knew that it was being left in good hands. Besides, it wouldn't have made the trip across the country and he didn't want to stop more than necessary. So having an old loved car would make him need to stop more because things were always going wrong. He knew if he didn't that he would lose what little courage he had mustered and turn back. He'd go right back where he had started and nothing would ever change. Stiles knew that this was the right move. It was the only real option he had that put him first and it was something he was at least semi-interested in. It was what was best for his psyche and he could get some time that was lacking any kind of supernatural messes for him to clean up. This would be good for him and he knew it so why was he dreading this more than anything he had ever done in his life. He didn't want to leave everyone he had ever cared about behind. It was the last thing he had dreamt of. Most of them were headed off to college themselves; the only difference was that he had to leave first. He had to leave first because if he didn't, he'd stay for the younger pack members and for Derek. He didn't doubt Derek any, he trusted him as much as he did anyone else, he simply didn't like the idea of leaving him alone. Stiles knew Derek didn't feel completely at home yet. There were too many memories for the man but he was growing into his new place there. So, Derek could hold down the fort and keep the youngest three in the pack in line until they were all reunited. Stiles always planned on returning, it was only a matter of when the teen was ready and enough time had passed.