The Perfect Romance (Y/N Experiment)

Emails, Everywhere

Mindy from PR knows many tall, dark, and handsome men and sends me an entire list of their social media handles via email. I comb through their reels. By the fifth bad take, I can't ignore my eye strain. I stop by my break spot, a little alcove hidden behind the elevator on the third floor, which overlooks the bright red gates of Grantstone Pictures. No one seems to use it but me.

I lean against the wall, put in my earbuds, and set a timer on my phone. Ten minutes, enough time to listen to a story and rest my overworked eye muscles. I open the app and click on the glowing notification bell.

UdonOatJamAudio has posted a new video: 1MIL Subscriber Party and FACE REVEAL

I almost drop my phone.

This mysterious ASMR voice actor is so versatile that it took me two whole days to realize that his channel didn't feature multiple actors. In one story, he's warm and comforting like hot chocolate on a cold day. In another, he's icy and unsettling, a complete creep. His accent work is S-tier, as it should be, since he's fluent in three languages. In his Q and A videos, he defaults to a warm, rich timbre and his laughs come straight from his belly. He exhales contentment and he never seems to run out of it.

My eyes complain about the bright phone screen. They want to relax and watch the clouds snail by.

I'm too curious. I tap the video.

A well-built torso dressed in a casual button-down appears, bracketed by strong arms, close enough to the camera to hide what's above the neck and below the waist. Pale, long hands are waving happily. His gratitude sounds like it's coming from the bottom of his heart. His words exude elation.

A hand reaches for the camera. He lifts it up. His neck is well-proportioned to his shoulders and little by little, a face comes into view.

My hands start shaking. I'm hyperventilating.

I found him.

I found him!

Step aside, Joel Becker, I found a better voice!

My eyes feel like they're going to explode as I bring my phone way too close to my face. I'm typing out an email like a maniac.

To: udonoatjamaudio @ voice.me
Fr: [redacted]
Subject: Your audition is necessary for the future of this film

Dear UdonOatJam,

Congratulations on 1 million subscribers! I had no doubts you'd get to this milestone; I subscribed when I found "Stuck in a Snowstorm with Your Unrequited Love" about two years ago.

I work for Grantstone Pictures as a producer's assistant. You can find my name in the credits of When in Lianar, Heart of Ice, Uncrossing Stars, and Everyone's Getting Divorced, just to name a few movies. Grantstone Pictures is looking for an actor for a lead role in a romantic drama, and I think you're a perfect fit.

Please give me your agent's contact info yesterday. That's how urgent this is. Time travel is now a necessity. Every minute your agent is not contacting me is a golden opportunity lost.

Before you roll your eyes and think I'm a scammer because I'm not a casting director, please think about this: if you audition for Grantstone Pictures, you not only get to be on the big screen, but your fans get to see you embody someone I'm sure they already hold dear to their hearts.

I mean, have they listened to "The Desires of a King?" With that accent, in that register? Your vocal fry has improved since then. It would be a crime against your fanbase not to audition.