I got to be the hero

He missed Eddie Munson

Steve woke to find the rest of the gang sleeping. Robin was asleep on Nancy's shoulder and Nancy's hand was tangled in Robin's hair. Steve would ask her about that later. Lucas was asleep with his head resting on the window. Erica had her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on them. Dustin was curled up in the chair. He looked so small. All three of the kids did. They were small. They were just freshmen. And they'd all been through so much.

Steve went to check on Max again. She was still asleep and her mom was still sitting at her bedside.

He walked back to the waiting room and gently shook the others awake. They all piled into his car and, instead of dropping them all at their respective houses, he drove straight to his house.

He pulled out one of the couches so it turned into a bed. He piled blankets and pillows on the floor. The kids curled up on the floor, the three of them clinging to each other for support. Nancy and Robin took the pull-out couch, Nancy with her head on Robin's chest. Steve gave Robin a questioning look and she shot back a death glare.

Steve took the other couch. It took a while but he eventually managed to fall back asleep.

—

When Steve woke he wasn't in his living room anymore. He was back in the upsidedown. He was looking at his own body, being devoured by the bats again but when he got closer, no it wasn't him. It was Eddie.

Steve ran and knelt by Eddie's side. Screams tore from his throat.

The bats tore flesh from Eddie's face and sides. He didn't even look like Eddie anymore.

Steve pulled Eddie to his chest, rocking them back and forth.

"Please. Eddie please come back to me. I can't lose you."

That stupid bandana was still wrapped around his head. Steve's hands were covered in Eddie's blood. He buried his face in Eddie's hair. It smelled like cigarettes and whatever shampoo he used, like sweat and also, it also smelled of blood.

Steve screamed again. Eddie was dying in his arms. Steve looked around desperately for help. Robin and Nancy were here weren't they? He couldn't see anyone. It was just him and Eddie alone in the darkness. The bats flew around his head but they made no move to attack. They'd done enough damage already.

"Steve? Steve!" Someone was saying his name. It sounded far away. "Steve!"

Steve fell into Robin's arms. He was covered in a cold sweat and he was shaking. It was a dream. He hadn't actually watched Eddie die. But Eddie was still dead. Eddie still wasn't here.

Steve cried into Robin's shoulder. She stood them up gently. "Come on, let's get you something warm to drink."

—

Half an hour later Steve was sitting at his counter, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Robin set down a cup of tea in front of him and brought her own up to her mouth.

"Nightmare?"

Steve couldn't do anything but nod.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Steve sighed. He didn't. He really didn't want to remember that dream. But he needed to talk about it. It would help in the long run.

He took a deep breath. "It was- it was Eddie. He- the bats-"

That's as far as we got before he broke down again. He pulled his knees up to his chest. He felt like a child. His entire body was shaking.

Robin walked around the counter to Steve and wrapped him in another hug.

"Oh Steve," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"The nightmares- they were getting better but- but this one was the worst Robin. It was so real."

He could hear her crying softly now too.

He pulled away from the hug. "Rob?"

"Mmm?"

"What did Eddie mean? When he gave me this?" He held up the black and white handkerchief that was still clutched tightly in his hand.

"Steve, it's like a symbol, kind of. For gay men. To know other gay men. Eddie, I- I think he might have liked you."

And oh. That made a lot of things make more sense. The nicknames, the way Eddie would sometimes lean just a little too close. That shit eating grin only directed at Steve.

But it didn't explain other things. Like the way Steve's stomach felt whenever Eddie would use one of those nicknames. The way his heart would jump into his throat when Eddie leaned into his space. How Steve would have to stop his gaze from sliding to Eddie's lips.

But oh. Oh. It did make sense. And, "shit."

He slumped down in his chair, his hands carding through his hair. "Shit."

"Steve? Are you alright?"

He couldn't respond so he just shook his head, his fingers tearing at the skin on his face. He'd never felt emotional pain quite like this. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe and his vision was going blurry and Robin was saying something but he didn't know what she was saying. And he was hot, really really hot. He was so cold just seconds ago but now it felt like his skin was on fire. He could feel Robin's hands on his shoulders.

"Steve? Steve breathe ok. Breathe with me." She took a couple deep breaths in and out. Steve did his best to do the same. His senses returned to normal for the most part but he was exhausted.

Robin didn't ask any questions, just helped him back to the couch. She fell back asleep but Steve didn't, couldn't.

He liked Eddie. Probably has for a while now. But Eddie- Eddie was gone. He wasn't coming back.

Steve never thought he was gay but- the way he felt about Eddie- it was even worse then how he felt when he was in love with Nancy.

Steve went out to his car and found the jacket Eddie had given him the first time they were in the upsidedown. He went back inside and put the vest on. It smelled like Eddie. Like smoke and sweat and something else uniquely Eddie Steve couldn't quite place.

Steve didn't sleep the rest of that night. He stayed awake thinking of Eddie and his long hair and the rings that now glistened on Steve's fingers. He thought of his ripped jeans and leather jackets and insane music taste. He missed Eddie Munson.