You Must Be the One

Brown - Growth

The blue sky, the brown soil beneath, the grass, the trees, the animals, the wind, and rain, and stars are never strange to me; for I am in and of and am one with them...

-William Henry Hudson, Hampshire Days

"You sure you wanna do this? Gonna need a lot of work."

Bradley swipes a hand across his forehead, stopping to swig down an entire bottle of water in two sips. It's at least a thousand degrees in here and she's suddenly desperate for a shower. Her clothes are clinging to her body and she's fairly sure she smells awful.

Following his gaze to the worn floorboards, to the kitchen that needs to be completely gutted and back to the crumbling walls, she can see his point. The place is a money pit and the amount of labor they'll have to put into it is going to cost far more than it's actually worth. 

She also can't help but think he isn't simply talking about the cabin. He wants to know if she's changed her mind.

She leans her head on his shoulder. "I'm sure. Positive, even."

His hand comes to rest on the swell of her belly, not quite rounded yet; barely. "We don't have to restore it all ourselves, Stef. I know I can only do so much and pretty soon, you'll have to take it easy."

"I may not be able to knock down walls or anything, but I can paint. I'll wear a mask. I can polish, I can rip up the floors. There's a lot I can do before this baby decides to come."

"Stefani---"

"I'll be fine. We will be fine. Besides, the sooner this place is all fixed up, the sooner we can have Lea here."

He frowns, only slightly, but she notices.

"Irina still hasn't come around, huh? I can talk to her."

Bradley brushes her fingers against his. "I think she's just not used to the idea I'll be an hour away now instead of right down the block. It's a lot of change."

"For the better, though. I think once she settles in on what a good thing this is, for all of us, she'll warm up."

He squeezes her hand. "I know. We'll make this work."

It feels good. It's a relief, after all this time, to take a break. And for once, she isn't scared of what that means or for the future. She's entirely focused on the family they've created and the addition to come. Nothing else matters, not the fame, not the money, nothing.

She's had to ask herself, lying in bed at night, would she be sad if people forgot? Would she let them down? What if the respite was so wonderful, she never came back from it? Never sang on stage again, never stepped in front of another camera...would she be okay with it?

There were many sleepless evenings and early mornings where she wrestled with heartburn and nausea and the only thing she could bring herself to focus on was making entirely certain that if the pause became permanent, it wouldn't break her, that she'd be content with living without everything she'd carefully honed and protected these fourteen years...longer.

And it occurred that she would be. If it all ended tomorrow, it would be okay. It would.

The idea left her peaceful. Making music for herself, on her own terms, resting her body, creating a new home for them to raise a child in, to make comfortable for Lea. It was a path they were carving out, supported by those closest to them and in her heart of hearts, she knew it was the right decision.

She remembers the first time she brought the idea to Bradley, around the same time her great aunt passed away, leaving her the little cabin upstate.

They'd never been there together and it'd been many years since Stefani had visited. Her aunt and uncle couldn't keep up with the maintenance it needed, but they wouldn't sell, leaving it in the family. No one wanted it, wary of the repairs it would need; she jumped at the chance. Looking beyond the ramshackle outward appearance, she could see the beauty underneath, the charm she remembered as a kid.