Save Me - Joel Hokka | Blind Channel

Chapter 5: Bad Idea

As I woke up, the sun wasn't shining through my window anymore. Instead, I could see the dark night sky with some small stars. How long did I sleep?, I wondered because when Teija left, it had been late afternoon and since it was summer and the sun set very late in Finland, it must have already been in the middle of the night. Oh boy, how am I gonna sleep tonight? This shit isn't real now, I can't be awake now and not sleep the whole night, I quietly cursed and got up from my bed. After going to the toilet and washing my face, I decided to eat something because I hadn't eaten anything after lunch with Teija.

But because I obviously didn't have the opportunity to buy some food since Teija had left, I had to order food again. An hour after I had called the restaurant, the food should arrive so I thought that taking a bath was a good way to spend my time. That's what I loved about my apartment: It might have been a very tiny apartment with only one room apart from the bathroom but it did have quite a big bath to relax. I needed to wash myself anyway because the next morning, I knew I would neither have time nor be motivated to take a shower before going to work, so I could also take a bath now. Ugh, work, I thought as my thoughts wandered to my job. I really didn't want to think of that now. It was enough if I thought about it when I was at work; my free time shouldn't be occupied by thoughts about what I only do to be able to buy food and rent my apartment.

While quietly humming, I prepared everything I needed for the bath. I turned on the hot water and placed the body lotion and a liquid that should provide some foam next to the bathtub. "Don't hold on so tight. Baby I'm a bad idea", I sang along to the music that was quietly playing from my phone. So far, Bad Idea was the song by Blind Channel that I liked the most. I hadn't listened to all of them, by far not, and especially the older ones were still unknown to me because Teija had only showed me the newer ones, but Bad Idea was still my favorite out of the few songs I knew. It just fit me so well. I would never let them in, no matter who the person was. I had told myself to not let anyone in anymore, not after what had happened. And so far, that seemed to be a good strategy because I had never been hurt again, at least not that much.

A few minutes later, I had prepared everything and let myself slowly sink into the hot water. This feels good, I thought while leaning against the back of the bathtub. I hadn't taken a bath in a while, probably for a few months, because I had been too busy. Isn't that stupid? When you are the busiest, you need relaxation the most but you have the least time to do what helps you to calm down... That's what I hated the most about work in general: When you need to relax and do something for your mental health, you don't have time to do that. I wished that I could just have a job that wouldn't be as stressful, exhausting and morally reprehensible but I needed to take the job that I could get.

Only around ten minutes after I entered the bathtub, I was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. I thought it would take an hour until my food arrived, I wondered because since my call to the restaurant, only around 40 minutes had passed. With a sigh, I left the warm water and got the cozy bathrobe on. It wasn't covering much but since I wouldn't see that person again, I thought I could open the door wearing nothing more than the white bathroom my parents had gifted me when I moved out.

On the way to the door, I grabbed my wallet and pulled out the money, just a few euros more than the pizza cost to thank the supplier for being earlier than I had expected and therefore pleasing the feeling of hunger inside of my stomach earlier than expected. And maybe also for letting him stand in front of my door for more than a minute because it took me quite a while "Hello", I greeted as I pulled the wooden door open. But other than expected, there was a familiar looking person standing in front of me.

"What are you doing here?", I confusedly looked at Joel who was holding my pizza in his hands. I thought we both were of the opinion that not facing each other again was best for both of us? Why the fuck did he now show up again? And why did he have my pizza in his hands? I mean, he for sure was not the supplier. Or was he? "I came here in the late afternoon but you didn't open the door. I thought I'd wait here until you come home but apparently you were home and just didn't hear me. Anyway, I somehow fell asleep and then woke up when the supplier wanted to bring your pizza. Don't ask me how he managed to enter the house but well... Now here I am. I paid him and now I'm waiting for you to take the pizza and let me in."