metanoia ; lucas sinclair [discontinued]

03.

are we still friends?; tyler the creator

"Dustin could you not?!?" val gives dustin an attitude that no one would expect from her. everyone in the party has been noticing a change of behavior in valeria, which is uncommon. the first notice of this was 2 months ago and now.

el just observes, that's all she does whenever there's an outbreak of emotion, mike says it's hard for her to contain it all.

"valeria what's up with you recently?" mike blurts out as he shoots up from the couch. val just shakes her head which anger, she's biting her lip, it's obvious she's trying to hide something.

"god im so sorry for 'acting up' but things at home have not been so great recently and not being able to tell my best friends fucking stinks."

lucas just keeps his head down, he can't look to face val at this moment. max isnt even here because her mom wanted to have quality time. the best way to end a d&d meeting is by the party arguing and val's support isn't here.

mike starts stepping towards val which now gets lucas's attention. "well im so sorry your life sucks but half of us has it tough too and you don't see us lashing out?!" mike starts stepping closer, getting in her face.

lucas rushes towards them and gets in mike's face, separating him and val. "back up bro." mike steps back, lucas let's val talk

"okay well your guys dad didn't just fucking die and now you have to aid your little brother and drunk mother! and i bet you don't give a flying fuck about max who also has to grief over someone and take care of her drunk mother!"

mike looks at val up and down. "all you care about is your girlfriend who i know for a fact is sad all the time because you can't even say i love you!" that's when things begin to get heated.

el steps up, making her voice present. "it's true, mike." he shakes his head in a fasten motion. "no just stop." will gets up too now, being fed up with everyone's bullshit.

"OKAY EVERYONE SHUT UP!" suddenly, everyone went quiet. val has tears coming down her eyes, lucas standing by her side but not knowing what to do.

will stands up on a chair, making sure everyone hears. "why don't we let everyone vent for just one second, let's get on the same page, mentally. we need to keep this party going. we've been going strong since 2nd grade. please, let's keep it going." val nods her head slightly, hugging herself. everyone else follows along in the nod.

will gets down, adjusting himself in a seating position. "good, now let's have val start."

—

as everyone gets on the same page and apologizes, lucas waits for me in front of the house. everyone had already left but he waited for me. when i walk out, a gust of wind goes in between the two of us.

"why didn't you tell me any of this?" there's a lump in my throat, i can't breathe now.

"it's none of your business." he nods his head, his cheeks are being suctioned in.

"it is my buisness! i mean come on now val! i care for you and you couldn't even tell me why you're acting this way!"

"well you don't have to act like my boyfriend!!" tears are filling both of our eyes now. god i feel awful, i like him so much but i can't have him knowing these things about me. yet, i guess it's too late now.

—

my heart is coming out of my chest, i feel like i'm just about to explode. i do want to be her boyfriend! why can't she just fucking see that?! valeria is just all i've ever wanted, i've noticed that. after max and i broke up, val was there and she was the reason i've never felt that butterfly connection with max.

it was because i've loved valeria all along.

"please! come on val don't make me do this! how do i make you love me?! i mean isn't it obvious we like each other? so why can't this be a forever thing?" her hands are shaking, she's breaking down. oh shit val.

her knees drop to the ground, i see her breaking apart. im picking the pieces up as i hug valeria, trying to make her suffering end. "please just talk to me v." tears are falling on my red bomber jacket.

"i don't want to hurt you lucas." i begin shaking my head no, holding her tighter. "no no! you would never hurt me val!" she hugs me tighter, her grip is so strong.

we stay like this for a long period of time. the street lights turn on which makes val jump. "oh shit. i need to be home, Manuel needs dinner made. moms working a double shift tonight. oh no!"  i stand up with her, she begins running home.

"wait val!" but she's already gone, her jacket is still here. even though it's summer we both carry jackets since the night gets colder.

i begin my own walk home, i need to text her. i just need to know our status. i need to know if we're still friends, or something more?