Save Your Tears (A BenxSpeed Story)

Just take my wallet

SPEED POV:
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I FUCKING HATE BEN.

For SOME REASON I decided to text his bitch ass, sent a simple "Hey". 2 fucking weeks later I finally get one back. I asked him how he was, honestly not expecting a response. But surprisingly I got one! He said he had been decent and asked me the same. I was happy but also felt so sad. I'm not sure why. It's what I've been wanting right? For him to talk to me? For once I was geniuenly asking myself if I really love Ben, if I was maybe just stuck in this mindset. I've tried to move on so many times before but for some reason my heart won't let me.

Even worse, Ben never responded back to me. I said "I'm good I just hit 10 million". My dumbass, my nice ass, my weak ass half-expected a 'congratulations!' or 'that's good'. Hell, maybe even an "ok". But did I get anything CLOSE to that?? NOPE! HE DIDN'T EVEN RESPOND! Why would he?? It's not like he gives half a shit about me. I hate him so much. I hope someone makes him feel just like me someday. My heart would break into a million peaces if he ever felt this horrible though.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I really do love Ben. But he's changed. I'm starting to think maybe he never loved me in the first place, maybe he was playing with me. If that's the case then he got me real fucking good.

BEN POV:
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"I'm good I just hit 10 million" is the last message I've gotten from Speed. I was so relieved when he texted me again. I didn't know whether to respond or not. I love the kid but I can't imagine him trusting me at all at this point. If he does then that just breaks my heart. I don't deserve his trust after all the times I've let him down. I'm the first to admit I'm not doing the right thing. I mean for months he showed me love and respect. And how did I repay him? By making mistake after mistake, false promise after false promise. Pushing things to the point of no return. To the point of him almost giving up on me. And yet he still hasn't.

Speed always used to believe I was a star, I'm not quite sure why. We used to laugh, crack jokes. Eat candy, he would tell me about school. You name it, we did it. We had an amazing bond and relationship. But things weren't perfect. We used to fight like crazy. It felt like we were ALWAYS trying to piss each other off.

Anytime Speed would threaten me or call me a name or say something hurtful I would just laugh or give a one word answer like it was nothing so he wouldn't feel bad. But a simple "no" or "eugh" from me on the other hand? Screaming, crying, barking, all of the such. And with that, I grew irritated and spiteful. I still loved him, but I didn't wanna fight anymore.

He probably couldn't wait to tell me he hit 10 million. I went to text back and tell him I was proud of him, but I stopped myself. I told him the same thing back when he hit 5 million yet we fought almost instantly right after. Remembering how angry I was that day, I deleted what I had typed and left him on read hoping he'd take the hint to go away. I deleted the whole text conversation and ignored him all over again. But I knew it wasn't his fault.

The longer I cry and read my newspaper, the more I can imagine the disappointment on his face, him not caring about the milestone he just hit and not being proud of himself anymore. And the more I'm realizing how terrible I've become.