People’s eyes, I have always been wary of them. The way they look at me, decipher me. It feels like they can see right through the facade that I call life. But again my inner dialogue never made that any better either. The back of my head would always tell me stuff like “ All your students know who you are, they are going to find out the true Vail, hey Vail, they never loved you. One day everyone will leave you. And even if they don’t leave you, people in society see you as a freak, they are all afraid that you will hurt them with your little snaps and drastic movements when you are angry or sad.
Maybe, Vail, you should just seize to exist altogether. But it's a pity you can’t end it all because well
1. You are already dead.
2. Because you always talk yourself out of it, only because you care too much about the people around you.
But I can’t wait for when they find out the real Vail Malice, it is just your facade name, the name you gave yourself; to hide from the world, because of your evil sin doing.”
The thoughts were horrendous but they were true, right? Society does perceive me as an uncontrollable monster. It’s not like I am trying to be this way. I often try to change myself but constantly fail. But my facade is the best thing I have.
I can act so happy around my students but then as soon as my office door closes; my entire facade fails. I break down crying covering my mouth trying to muffle myself. Guys aren’t supposed to cry. But here I am doing just that, I have no control of my mind. And god does that hurt.
