To the moon and back

Part 1

You know the feeling when you want to throw up?

That's the feeling I have right now.

If I'm being honest I never thought I would be that kind of person to get seasick, but apperantly I am.

You may be wondering why I'm feeling seasick, or not, it's your choice. And that ladys, gentleman and non-binary folks is because I'm on a frickin' boat. I know, shocker.

I'm standing at the deck watching birds fly near the water to try and catch a fish and the beautiful water glistening because of the sun. When I finally look away I see the Island. 

I will not bother you with a name you will never remember, so I'll spare you of that detail. What I can say is that the island is near the Bahamas, which is quite nice, but I don't really know how to feel yet.

It's just me and my mom, but I really wish he was here. 

Life doesn't work like that. I thought.

The closer we get, the more I get to see.

It is marvelous. Every palm tree standing tall, each flower looking like no other, and the beach that stretches for miles, everything is just so lovely. There is something about this place, maybe this summer will be different. I sure as hell hope so. 

The place kinda looks like a mix between 'Mamma Mia' and the book 'The summer I turned pretty', if you don't know that book I advise you to read it and watch the series. You will not regret it, or you will, it's your choice after all. 

Anyway, as we are reaching the shore I look at my mother, and I realize that she is already staring back at me. I get a little flustered because I don't like when people do that. The thought about someone staring at you when you don't know and later on find out, it gets me flustered and I hate that. You never know how long the person is staring at you. Weird people... Not that my mother is wei-.

Sorry, I'm babbling, moving on.

"Why are you staring at me?", I say coming closer to her while trying not to drop my bags.

"Nothing. I just-, nevermind. Are you still feeling seasick? I told you should have taken the sea-sick pill", she replies tucking away one of my hair strands. 

I don't even know if a sea-sick pill is a thing, or if it's just more childhood lies. If I'm being honest, I don't really care, because now I really want to take that pill. 

"I know, I know. I just really thought I wouldn't get seasick, I never do", I say looking at the ocean starting to feel that... feeling. Okay, maybe we shouldn't talk about that.

"Honey, you have barely been out on a boat. Remember that time you and Neo-". She fell quiet. My grin falters and so did hers. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-". I interrupt her.

"It's okay mom, can we just get ready to get the hell of this boat?", I say putting on my fake smile and trying to not make eye contact. 

"Yeah, of course honey", she says looking down and starts to fiddle with her suitcase and bags. 

I hate seeing her like this. It feels like I'm the one who are causing her pain, just by looking like him.

I hate it.

Why can't just everything go back to normal?

Life doesn't work like that.

***

I wave bye to the boat driver.

He flipped the bird at me.

What a nice and caring guy.