To the moon and back

Part 2

I have been up since 2 am.

And it's not intentional.

I contemplated going to the beach but decided that going in the middle of the night would probably get me killed.

So instead, I chose to watch Friends. And to the people that says, "Friends are so basic", fuck you. Just because you have friends you can talk to and stuff doesn't mean I do.

When I heard my mom leaving for work at 5 am I decided to do something.

So now I'm standing in our small kitchen trying to understand the stove. I really don't get it. And I probably never will. So, I quit.

What am I supposed to do now? Wait for something to happen? Try to fix this shithole? Go and meet new people?

Eww.

I hate social interactions. I have never been good at them, or I have, I don't know. I just remember that one time when I tried to talk to one of the "popular" girls in my class to 'hang out' and she said, and I quote, "I would rather die than be seen hanging out with you, you weird little rat-shit". Yeah, we didn't get along.

And she really made high school worse for me. Especially when Neo was gone.

Okay maybe I should try to find someone to hang out with, just for Neo. Maybe for me too.

But where should I go? To someone's house and just knock on the door? Or is that too much?

Very too much.

I walk to the dining area to sit down. I look at the table and see the mess from last night. The terrible canned food that looked like dog food and all the books me and my mom brought from home.

We sometimes like to sit down and read a book together and then review it. After that we switch and see if we have the same review so we can talk about them and hopefully have different reactions and opinions on the stuff we've read. We have always done it, but I think her new job will take away that.

I see "The fault in our stars" and "Normal people". Very different books, but at the same time they are very alike. I know that one is more about cancer and the other is about teenagers and stuff but in a way, they have the same concept. They are more relatable storys than most books.

I don't know, maybe I'm out of my mind, or not, you will never know what's inside my brain. And you probably don't want to know.

I notice something on one of the books. It's a small post-it note. I wonder why I didn't see it before. Maybe because of the frickin' stove.

I could see my mom's messy handwriting on it.

Hello my sweet, sweet child

I'm sorry we don't get to have our first day together, but I will make it up to you.

I will be working all day and will probably be home at 8 pm. I'm so sorry, but I want to make a good first impression. So do something nice. Go out, meet friends or go to the beach. Just do something today other than to watch Friends and do nothing.

I love you

Mom

I don't blame her. I'm just- just sad. Could she not just wait one more day until she had to work? Or was she so eager to work? I don't know.

Well, she gave me an idea.

The beach it is

***

I like walking.

Me and my brother used to have a golden retriever together and we would go out, every day, to walk with her. Sometimes it felt like "the quiet car ride" but instead of a car we walked. It was nice.

And I miss it so much. I miss him so much.

But now when I'm all alone I put on my headphones and start to head to the beach.

I could see it from the cottage so I knew exactly where to go. Hopefully.

I pick up my phone from my pocket and look at the time. 3:35. I'm a slow walker so this would probably take fifteen minutes. Hopefully.

I turn on my favorite playlist on Spotify and start my walk.

I know this sound very cheesy and I hate that, but everything here is so beautiful. Every tree and flower, even the road is in nice shape. Better than I expected. Everything here seems genuine and radiant. I like this very much.

And if it could not get better the best song to match all of this starts.

'Josefin' by Albin Lee Meldau.

It's a Swedish song. I have no idea what he is singing about, but the atmosphere in that song match perfectly. I was my favorite. If I remember correctly, I think my mom nearly named me after 'Josefin' because it was her favorite song, but she didn't think 'Josefin and Neo' would be a great fit.

So, it became Eleanor after a song called 'Eleanor' by Samuel Lim.

'Eleanor and Neo' or how he called us,

'Nora and Neo'.

He was the only one who called me that.

Sorry I'm babbling again.

I look at my phone and see the time. 3:47. Almost there.

I can smell the sea water from where I stand so I know I'm close. I turn off the music to hear the water crashing at the shore and all the people talk and have fun.

The beach is ginormous. I mean, I can't even see how long it is. That's what she said, or not. Most likely not.

It even has a beach volleyball place. Wow. It was a long time ago I played. And not to be that person but I was good. I miss playing it. Maybe I'll get a chance to do it now. If I find people to play it with.

I walk down the stairs to the beach. I know, they even have stairs on a beach.

I take the last step and take off my sandals and feel the hot sand between my toes. I usually hate that feeling but this must be the comfiest sand I have ever stood in.

One thing I have already learned is that there are sectors at the beach. Because of how long this beach is they thought that it would be easier to put it in sectors to know where you are. I must say that it is very smart. You may be wondering why I know that, or not, it's your thoughts, but I'm going to tell you anyway.

When we were on the boat, I read one of those pamphlets about the island to distract my self from the feeling. So, now I know about all these boring, but handy, facts about this island.

Apparently, this sector is called 'Hodgepodge'. I have no idea what that is but I must say that it is creative.

I look around and see many people my age. I wonder if they would like to talk to me. Probably not.

I keep on going till I find a good stone to sit on. I find this corner on the beach where there is a stone wall with lots of overgrowth and a fireplace to sit by. it seems so comfy and nice. i wonder how it looks like on the evenings. i find the biggest stone because i don't even dare to sit down by the fireplace, maybe someone with friends want to sit there, i don't want to intrude. You may not believe me but the stone was quite comfy.

Someday I can learn to be social, but for now I'll be alone.

 Even if I hate it.

Because that's life.

***

hello titties!

was this too short? tell me!

everything i write is random 

i have absolutly nothing planned, so give me ideas. 

i think they will meet in the next chapter because i don't want to drag it out to much.

she is babbling a lot in her thoughts but that is her character (and also me of course).

i dont know what else to say.

so

goodbye!

bishtits out.