Save Me From Myself (Kellic) (BoyxBoy)

Sadness

Sadness.

The definition of Sadness in the dictionary is showing, expressing, or feeling sorrow or unhappiness, causing sorrow or gloom; depression, Dark-hued; and somber. Sadness is an emotion that can be described as a pain in the heart, or like you are going to implode. Sadness can come with the follow-up of tears or some dark thoughts. Some people tend to like to stay in dark rooms when under the influence of sadness; others seek desperately for someone to confide in. Some symptoms of excessive sadness is crying, self-harm, isolation, desperation, frowning, overeating or under eating, and millions of other ways you can cope with the undying passion.

I live in an undying realm of sadness that never ends. I want to be strong and I really do, But I can't help bursting put crying sometimes, because I just don't know how things will get better for me. I wish I was enough for someone. I never wished for somebody to stay just because I say so. I just want someone who will stay even when I am pushing them away. Maybe I'm not built for relationships but that's okay because I'm not built for anything, I'm worthless. I'm so use to being sad that even when I'm the slightest bit happy I'm still sad. In all truth, you like the pain this undying sadness brings you. You like it because you believe you deserve it. You believe that the tears you shed or the blade you take to your body is what you deserve, you feel like you need to relieve yourself of that pain by a deadly weapon that could take your life. Sadness is like a drug; it takes you away from reality and makes you see it in a whole new way.  How can a person be filled with life and then be empty? Where does it all go?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No, go fish." "Fuck you Gerard!" Vic sighed at Gerard who was beating Vic's at this game and just had a sly grin on his pale face. We were playing Go Fish because why not? You only live once better make my short life last. We had nothing better to do because none of us wanted to do our homework let alone study. I was having the most fun I've had in a long time, even though my grandma just died I know she would want me to be happy rather than slicing my pain away on myself, so I'm trying just for her. Frank and Gerard are really cool and nice too so I would love to get to know them better. All I know about them before I met them was that they had a little garage band along with Gerard's brother Mikey, Ray Toro, and along with Bob who they called Bobert.

"I'll fuck Gerard," Frank's small voice purred out. Gerard snorted and Vic just reached across the coffee table and slapped Frank. Frank pretended that it hurt and Gerard sent out dagger eyes to Vic but started laughing again. I was laughing because it was cute, funny, and enticing at the same time. Frank laughed and put his scrawny little arm through Gerard's arm. They loved each other a lot, all they can do is smile when they look at each other.

 "Now don't start making out on my couch, again." Vic sternly said. I liked that side of him even though I knew he was joking but it was sort of a turn on, Vic's deep husky voice and oh wow just Vic. Frank and Gerard blushed at the remark and got up from the couch and threw their cards on the table.

 "We better get going, it's late and we have things we need to do." Gerard winked at Vic and grabbed his boyfriend's hand.

 "It was really nice meeting you Kellin! We would love to get to know you better; you seem like a really cool dude." Frank tiny voice said to me while gripping tight onto his boyfriend's hand. That remark warmed my heart because I might actually have a chance of earning some really good friends, but inevitability I would push them away. I was eternally fangirling because they are My Chemical fucking Romance and even though they've only let out one album or as called an EP, I bought it at the local music store and I'm in love with them. They could have a bright future ahead of them. 'I'm Not Okay' has to be my favorite song by them because it describes my personal self. I'm not okay but I have to go through the days pretending I am okay. I probably shouldn't lose my cool in front of them.