Inevitable

New Home

"How to make your own decisions after a lifetime of being mind controlled?" That's what Bucky kept asking himself after accepting Steve's offer to live in the Avengers Compund. He didn't have much of another choice because he knew that Steve wouldn't leave him alone but after the whole thing with Stark, Bucky didn't even know if he could look him in the face anymore. He had been forced it wasn't his choice to be the Winter Soldier everyone kept telling him that but living with the memories that haunted him was difficult. They entered the room that had been made ready for him and he took a look around it was much more than he deserved. Steve had taken care of clothes and pretty much every other thing that was necessary and his room was also close. He went near the glass window and stared ahead.
"It's going to get better Buck everything will" -said Steve with a confident voice if only he could believe him though. Bucky nodded his head and Steve quietly left the room and closed the door letting him adjust to his new place.
He had time for himself which meant that also the voices in his head wouldn't get quiet on the contrary they would get louder. He took a look around and the king sized bed, took off his shoes and laid down, it was still midday but sleep came quick. It was rather a good sleep today the one he hadn't gotten in quite a long time, no dreams, no nothing. When he opened his eyes the sun had set and the only light that was coming into the room from his phone probably some notifications from Steve. He stretched and yawned still not familiar with the room. Another problem of being free was that now he didn't know what to do with so much free time ahead of him, sleep and hiding away? Was this what he was gonna do from now on.
He changed into some clean sweatpants and a black shirt now that he had slept all afternoon he had all his night ahead of him and he wanted to train, to take his mind off, he wanted to be so exhausted that he had no strength of thinking about anything else. Bucky exited his room careful not to make any sounds and went to look for the training grounds.
But on his way there was something that drew his attention a door almost half open and he didn't know why but his curiosity got the best of him as he peaked inside. It was a clean room looking almost too clinical similar to his. No personal photographs or decorations he noticed a pair of new pointe shoes on the ground and wondered to who they belonged. At this point half his body was through the door when he saw her. The redhead that had been with Steve, if it hadn't been for her he would've killed Steve and the Falcon. She was wearing a black sports bra and leggings and two particular bullet scars drew his attention. It seemed that they weren't very different her body also was covered in thin white scars but those two bullets had been from him and again he felt a wave of guilt wash over him.
"Are you going to stay much longer at the door or do you want to come in?"- she said in a firm voice which caught him by surprise. She had heard him and he entered the room.
"Are you a ballerina?"-his eyes found the pointe shoes again. He had no idea why he had asked that question, why he had said that of all things. She followed his stare to the pointe shoes lifting them off the ground.
"It's just a hobby" she said as she put them inside a drawer and than turned to meet his eyes.
"Is there something you want James?" She crossed her arms over her chest waiting for his response.
"I- was just looking for the training grounds..actually no. Why do you call me James, nobody else does?"
He was curious about that, she had called him another time James too and nobody else did it was just her. He could see her eyes slightly narrowing but otherwise she didn't give much of a reaction it seemed her face was blank whenever she met him.
"That's your name isn't it."
"Have we met before?" It felt like they had, he was asking stupid questions all of a sudden maybe his brain was trying to preoccupie itself with something instead of dealing with reality. But that question seemed to anger her even though she didn't quite let it show.
"It is better for you that we haven't." Were her words true? He had no way of knowing but he really didn't remember meeting her before, there had been a mission she hadn't been his target that's when he had shot her for the first time and she had gotten out alive, the winter soldier never made mistakes but he couldn't recall that mission exactly so he left her room with a lot more questions than when he entered.
Did she hate him? And why? Bucky laughed at himself, did he really ask why. But that black widow it was like she had other motives which he needed to find out.
Most of the others were asleep by now so when he went to the training grounds they were empty. There was a lot of space and so many weapons different designs and technology probably a bad idea that he was near them. What if he lost control of himself again? He shut down those thoughts quickly and started warming up. Than he started running until he could feel his legs starting to burn so he went to practice some combat but of course alone wasn't as effective. Bucky found a section with targets and throwing knives. It was one of his favorites, he took a knife in his hand feeling the cold metal on his skin felt reassuring somehow and he threw it of course with deadly precision. The metal arm gave him many advantages but he had trained his other arm to be just as good. Skills which he had found very useful, he kept throwing knives until there were no more left and he snapped out of his trance. He hadn't even explored half of the training grounds yet but he couldn't stay there any longer or he would be caught into the memories of the winter soldier. Bucky returned to his room apparently he wasn't ready to get used to his new home yet.