Inevitable

part 2 unfinished yet , to be continued

Bucky had long ago given hope of seeing light again. Even though he wasn't in the dark and his eyes were open now he continued to live in the cell that he had made for himself in his mind. Now he could fully comprehend his actions analyze them and suffer the consequences. It felt like a prison waking up every day and be reminded of what he had done, be reminded of who he used to be and that at any time he could lose control and become that person again. To suffer was meant to be in silence, he didn't want to worry Steve he had already done enough, a lot of people had gone out of their way foe him to protect him but he couldn't understand why when he was so worthless.

Getting used to the Avengers Compund hadn't been hard even though it felt like a maze. He had been very eager to explore it at first, explore every inch of this place to keep himself busy but also to inspect for any weaknesses , a chimp in the armor. He had found a way to get out without being detected by the cameras and it had felt so good knowing that not every move of his was monitored and that he could get out to breathe whenever it felt too hard here.

He didn't talk to the others, didn't want to so most of the day of course he was surrounded by deafening silence but it was okay because his mind was too loud anyways. Training had been like an escape for him, he chose the late hours when everyone would be asleep or when they were gone on a mission, even though he told himself that it didn't matter he hadn't run on the redhead ever since he had gotten here. A day after he had asked Steve.
"What was the redhead's name again?"
"Oh, you mean Nat. Her name is actually Natasha, why asking?"
"Nothing, I was just wondering, it almost seemed like she knew my moves when she saved your life in the car" and indeed that day had been repeating  itself on Bucky's mind. If it weren't for her he would've have shot Steve in the car and probably killed the three of them. Steve shooked his head.
"Nah that's just how Natasha is, she's the Black Widow and not to be underestimated and probably because she has a close fighting style to yours so she probably knew what you would do"

He had agreed with Steve so he could close the topic but it had been her fighting style which had gotten the attention of the winter soldier. Steve was his target so why go after her? That was a question he hadn't been able to answer yet.