Pslam 40:2

Double Life

When I was 13 years old, I dedicated myself to the Jehovah's Witness organization. I would not describe myself as a super clean JW teenager. Being baptized was a weighty responsibility when you are in the midst of puberty. In fact, I entered womanhood on my baptismal day. Little did I know about the sin that was crouching at my door. Or at least the sins according to JW doctrine. 

When I was in 8th grade, I had the most innocent and pure crush on someone. Towards the end of the year, we had a serious flirting game going on between the two of us. He finally had the guts to go ahead and ask me to be his girlfriend. I froze, my best friend was by my side. I realized: this is my chance to stand up for what is right for Jehovah! So, I said no. I was always taught that when you date you date for the goal of marriage. It is the only way you can have a happy life. 

Little did I know that stance was going to be short lived. High school was probably the most time I spent living my double life.  I did not realize other JW's lived a double life as well. I want to break it down in more of a timeline for you so while I tell my story it makes more sense: 

9th grade- I had a big crush on a guy we will call Peter. He was one of my best friends in high school. (Or at least I thought) 

10th grade- I would describe this as my ho stage. I "dated" a witness boy who we will call Victor. I then dumped Victor and started to "date" a boy in school who we will call Tim. 

11th grade- I stayed pretty clean for the most part. Just flirted here and there. I still had a crush on Peter. But it was unrequited. 

12th- Peter finally had a crush on me. We would text constantly, and we would skype at night. He was my first kiss. Peter went to college across the country and that moved me closer to the religion. 

The two big years for me in high school was my 10th and 12th grade years. I will be honest my 9th and 11th grade years I was a pretty clean JW. I did not have any issues with boys and crushes. I feel like describing my 10th and 12th grade years is an integral part to my story. I will break down these years in two chapters. Stay tuned.