ON HOW TO LOVE || CSB

𝟬𝟬𝟭 │𝗢𝗻 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

C H A P T E R O N E

On avoiding the question

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SOOBIN FINDS HIMSELF paralysed after the demand, not knowing where to start - actually, he doesn't know if he should start at all. If he does, wouldn't it be boycotting himself? Soobin is many things, and one of them is a strategist that is fully aware that he is currently creating unnecessary rivals. He is reticent towards talking and giving the man hints on how to win you over, so he mulls over his following words with precision, wanting to avoid anything that could backfire, but, alas, he is also a little slow under pressure.

"Care to start?" The man pushes, sipping his drink (the things Soobin would do not to).

Soobin nods absentmindedly and decides to start talking. Another thing Soobin is is someone soft to a fault and unable to lie, so he realises far too late that he has started talking without thinking clearly - he wants to deny the man of his help, but he doesn't know how to do it without compromising himself. All in all, he guesses it was an issue of choosing how far will he go to save what remains of his dignity, because sitting in a chic café with a decrepit hoodie is already making him panic.

"You should..." Soobin clears his throat, toying with his drink, and decides it is time to practice the power of answering the question without actually replying to it, a power he has honed through his year of higher education. "You should know what... What things she likes! And when. The moment is important."

-

THE NEIGHBOURHOOD YOU had grown up in along with Soobin was far from idyllic - rather, it seemed a neglected and isolated ecosystem within the great scheme of Seoul. If anyone had asked him when he was younger, Soobin would have said he lived outside of the capital, because, surely, such a place couldn't be a district of the bulwark of the country.

If the perpetually grey skies weren't enough, the local infrastructures were visibly run down, coloured in exposed bricks, moss, and damp, splintered wood (a result of the nearly daily rain). The clouds didn't leave, even during dry summer days, but more often than not, the small district saw itself flooded. Still, for a reason that had always avoided Soobin's understanding, there wasn't a mere building in the district actually prepared for such abundance of rain, and it wasn't strange to hear that a local mall had collapsed because of the weight, or that the park had been closed due to the dangers of uniting trees and strong wind.

However, even if the neighbourhood's predominant feature was its striking bad weather, neither of you had ever seen snow during the years you spent in that place. Whenever his acquaintances told him they had seen that natural, soft white cotton, Soobin could only pout and think about the rain he had received instead.

As time went on, Soobin grew to adore the snow and have an immense dislike for the rain, because it reminded him of that sick neighbourhood he once had been forced to call his house (never 'home', which is an important distinction that must be noted). Snow seemed to be a pennant, or the promise of a new and better life - seeing snow meant Soobin, with you, had left that district.

Such was the importance of rain that, as years passed by, the both of you fell into a routine that depended on the weather: whenever it rained, Soobin would receive a short text - most of the time it read 'Wanna talk?'or 'I'm here' followed by an emoticon - and he would call you, spending hours on the phone. Together, you went over your good memories of that place, which, although scarce, did bring another light upon the rain. Ultimately, it was a way to forget that the rain was proof that you were still living in that district.

Surprisingly, Soobin's prediction of snow becoming circumstantial evidence of leaving the neighbourhood behind was pretty spot on.

The first time you saw snow, with Soobin, was during Christmas Eve, after the both of you had moved to the centre of Seoul for university. You had been walking together towards your shared apartment when a snowflake fell directly on top Soobin's nose.

He crossed his eyes as he tried to see, unsuccessfully, what had fallen on him. You could only smile, gently grabbing his face with your left hand to stop him from squirming, and dusted his nose of snowflakes.

As soon it had left his face, you moved your eyes to the sky, still close to Soobin's body and without dropping your hand from his face.

"Hey, Soobinnie," You called out, barely a whisper.

Taking a deep breath to calm his quickly beating heart down, Soobin glanced at you subtly and then at the sky. You must have felt his movements in your hand, vibrating across your arm, seeing as you dropped it seconds after.

"It's snowing," he whispered back.

Both of you watched the sky for some seconds as the snowflakes became abundant in quantity - until you gave out a small, soft laugh and looked at Soobin.

"I'm glad to be able to see snow for the first time with you." You told him, smiling. The snow looked like a halo around you, slowly pooling in your hair and shoulders. He swallowed harshly, voice betraying him when he tried to answer. Instead of letting your usual silence take over you, you spoke one more time, "Do you like it, Soobinnie?" He nodded absentmindedly, having an inner battle upon needing to choose between looking at the roof of the world or you. In response, you smiled, muttering. "I'm glad."

Turning and finally stepping away from him, you walked slowly through the path you had been taking just minutes before.

With the same low volume you had used when you spoke before, as if neither of you wanted to disrupt the sky, he talked. "Let's make this a tradition from now on, to watch the first snow of the year together."